this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Kraven_the_Hunter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 101 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Where are all of the good toddlers with guns when you need them??

[–] TheEEEdiot@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 4 points 4 months ago

Funny and very disappointing at the same time how he got actual politicians to endorse training for 4 year olds to shoot bad guys.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 98 points 4 months ago (3 children)

guns don't kill people, toddlers do

[–] Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 30 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 29 points 4 months ago (2 children)

It takes a child to raze a village.

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 9 points 4 months ago

As someone with 2 preschool aged kids I absolutely agree

[–] ThrowawaySobriquet@lemmy.world 96 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Jesus Fucking Christ! Someone do something about that toddler!

[–] lolrightythen@lemmy.world 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

That's what the toddler wants.

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[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 58 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Every sixty seconds, a woman in Britain gives birth. She. Must. Be. Exhausted.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Why would she be exhausted when she has the machine that goes PING! After all it's the doctors who do all the work since they're the experts.

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 55 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And her name is Maggie Simpson.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 4 months ago

Her name is Maggie Simpson. Her name is Maggie Simpson.

[–] username_unavailable@lemmy.world 42 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Imagine what he's going to be like when he hits his rebellious years.

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[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 35 points 4 months ago (2 children)

He probably doesn't remain that large, he is a toddler

[–] general_kitten@sopuli.xyz 7 points 4 months ago

He remains at small but growing rapidly

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 33 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Just stop selling the kid ammo. Problem solved.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You say no to that cute little face!

[–] OrgunDonor@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I would easily say no to his face... but he has a guna nd is willing to use it.

[–] FrostyTheDoo@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago (3 children)

He only uses it once a week though, so just catch him after his weekly kill

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[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

All I'm saying is that if bullets cost $5,000 I bet that toddler would have a hard time affording them

[–] rickdg@lemmy.world 25 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The solution for a toddler with a gun is an adult with a gun. Or something. Idk, I'm not american.

[–] tacosplease@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

You've got the spirit though

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 25 points 4 months ago
[–] BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 22 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

According to my quick search, it should be Not more than 5 years into the deaths by gun-wielding toddler surpass the deaths of 9/11.

Edit: I was wrong. Here are the fruits of my research:

Toddlers: about 21 deaths per year, would take until 2142 to surpass the 9/11 deaths

Kids 12 and below: 40 deaths per year, would take until 2075 to surpass those deaths

Children 17 and below, when counting accidents only, would take until 2029

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Toddlers: about 21 deaths per year

Last I checked, there was more weeks than that in a year. Did those fuckers in HR go and change it?

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

Ah ok, fair enough.

Now that you mention it, it was pretty silly to expect the toddler to have a 100% kill rate lol

[–] IzzyScissor@lemmy.world 19 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] moon@lemmy.cafe 15 points 4 months ago

Glad to see their aim got better

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[–] Samsy@lemmy.ml 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Lil John Wick is on a mission, I guess.

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Adam Sandler in: Lil' Wicky

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[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago

I look forward to his adolescence as a Fortune 500 CEO.

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 11 points 4 months ago (8 children)

this joke is funny here but it gets really sad when twitter and everyone repeats the same “original” knee slapper when this stat continues to be true, month after month after month 😒

[–] Iapar@feddit.de 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I used to be an kneeslapper like them. Then I got shot by a toddler.

[–] fossphi@lemm.ee 3 points 4 months ago

Right in the knee?

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 4 months ago

That Dennis is such a meanance.

[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

Toddler army UNITE

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

Why don't Americans simply not have a larger toddler eat this trigger happy rugrat?

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 5 points 4 months ago

Whoever said taking candy from a baby was easy must not have been American

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

They will grow out of it.

[–] Xtallll@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

After 2 years are they still a toddler?

[–] todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Toddler is age 1-3, so they are just about done.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I bet he'll be able to retire at 3 years old with this many jobs

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

Talk about the Terrible Twos!

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Not a very good accuracy, shooting ranges need to offer child discounts, so they could practice more

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Jesus Christ! And I thought the Uvalde police were bad!

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