this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] drathvedro@lemm.ee 34 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I don't want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.

[–] i_ben_fine@lemmy.one 6 points 6 days ago

is this one of them brandnewsentences?

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 7 points 6 days ago

You need a button for that?

If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).

[–] tiredofsametab@kbin.run 22 points 6 days ago (2 children)

click

Before continuing, please accept the following terms and conditions.... [35 pages of legalese ensue]

[–] SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Followed by 15mins of unsinkable ads

[–] Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 6 days ago

uBlock Origin -Iceberg edition-

[–] Wes4Humanity@lemm.ee 4 points 6 days ago

"you're subscription will expire in 3 days. Renew now to avoid testicular incineration."

[–] crusty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's either a very small finger or a very large dick

[–] Lesrid@lemm.ee 3 points 6 days ago
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

We all know pee is stored in the balls.

So this is just a piss switch.
(Which would actually be a real issue solver for folk with incontinence issues.)

[–] watersnipje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

That exists. My great-aunt had one of these for her incontinence problems.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 points 6 days ago

Oh, for real, not just catheters with a valve either, proper internal semi-permanent valves/switches with magnets, some even gravity operated.

Thx for TILing me.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 points 6 days ago

If this was controlled by your Google home, it would need a battery, which would need to be recharged. Imagine saying "hey Google, turn my balls off" and getting "I can't reach that device" because you forgot to recharge your ball switch last night.....

We're living in the future

[–] Heavybell@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

"Mods, deactivate this man's balls."

[–] Linkerbaan@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 3 points 6 days ago

They just want your money, super glue works just as good and it's cheaper, non-invasive.

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 181 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker

[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 109 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] cooopsspace@infosec.pub 41 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I'll give you an errection in front of the HR manager."

Or worse

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or you'll never get an errection again.*

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[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 112 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (8 children)

After you get snipped, it's potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.

Edit: sorry for facts on shit post

[–] ReputedlyDeplorable@lemmy.world 61 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yes here is an article about it. Article

The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 65 points 1 week ago (11 children)

30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.

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[–] jrbaconcheese@yall.theatl.social 89 points 1 week ago (3 children)

There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.

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[–] merari42@lemmy.world 62 points 1 week ago (6 children)

This, but I want the voice command changed to "Go go gadget genitalia"

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[–] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 58 points 1 week ago (4 children)

i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum

[–] Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 6 days ago

The breeding kink option

[–] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 34 points 1 week ago

Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl

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[–] PenisWenisGenius@lemmynsfw.com 58 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you'll never have sex with one and then you'll never have kids.

[–] lemmytellyousomething@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant....

🏳️‍🌈

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[–] doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 51 points 1 week ago (4 children)

So a toggleable vasectomy.

Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy... So this isn't the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you're safe.

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 49 points 1 week ago (1 children)

wait till this comes with a monthly subscription

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

When Google wont give you back the API keys to the chastity electrodes

[–] neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 47 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Hang on one second babe…

(clap-clap)

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[–] pH3ra@lemmy.ml 43 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee

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[–] kokesh@lemmy.world 43 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!

[–] Gestrid@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Hey, Google, I'm having sex!"

Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.

[–] dQw4w9WgXcQ@lemm.ee 7 points 6 days ago

The stereo starts playing Yakety Sax

[–] Klnsfw@lemmynsfw.com 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Forget the Codom and Get STIs

[–] Wilzax@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Bro forgot about committed and closed relationships

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[–] Holzkohlen@feddit.de 32 points 1 week ago

I'd just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.

[–] todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 30 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.

Ultimate pull-out method.

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