Simple really:
- A talking snake with legs convinced Eve, who was made from a rib, to eat a fruit that made her realize she was naked.
- ???
- Jesus had to be born of a woman, obviously.
this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2024
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!religiouscringe@midwest.social
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when profit?
step four: preach about the sins of being wealthy and hold out your hand with a cheesy grin.
profit after this?
Or is there a step five, just waiting to reveal itself, in all it's impossible glory?
that's the neat part. these marks are so stupid, you just keep your hand out there and they buy you new-model private jets.
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If god created the whole universe. Why did he also create the snake in the first place? Was it because he wanted us to have to overcome evil tempations? Or did evil exist before hand, meaning god didn't create everything in the universe?
Either he's omniscient and omnipotent and everything has happened exactly as he intended, proving he's an asshole, or he's not and lied about it, proving he's an asshole.
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I've never heard that the snake had legs, what's that from?
The story goes that after the snake convinced Eve to eat the fruit, God cursed the snake and said that part of the snakes curse was that "on your belly you will go" which leads one to believe that before it must not have been on it's belly.. Moral of the story: If an animal crosses God, it's gonna loose it's legs. Would have been funny if it was an Elephant instead of a Snake....
Oh, yeah, I never really made the connection that the snake would have had to have some sort of appendages first. Interestingly, the ancestors of snakes did have legs.
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ThE LoRd WoRkS iN MyStERiOuS WaYs!
Let’s just be honest here,
They kinda gloss over exactly how Mary got preggo.
I’m just wondering, did he pull a Zeus and show up as one variety of animal or another?
Virgin birth was meant as born without sin. So she did the mortal nasty
Which makes the whole Religious Right trying to paint it as her being magically pregnant all so they can make sex ebil even more hilarious
I mean.. Jesus DID had brothers and sisters, both from the same mother and some side work Joseph had with another woman.
Sin eventually caught up.
Well don't tell the Catholics that. They believe she's still a virgin.
Could you imagine being raised in that house?
yup. the question is.... did he show up like a swan. maybe a horse (poor marry. so unsatisfying,) or maybe something else. (tentacles seem like they could be fun.)
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"The angel came in unto her."
Interpret that as you will.
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The angel came through the door and into her abode?
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Or the angel CAME into her vagina?
I've had a lot more fun with Bible stories since I started subbing in "teenage Jewish hoodlums who know how to get shit done" every time "an angel of the Lord* appeared. I mean, why would actual magical angels need blood painted on doors to know which houses to avoid? Hoodlums, however, can use a code like that. Or how about removing the tombstone and telling the Marys " why do you look for the living amongst the dead?" That's a place for a bunch of enthusiastic, anti-empire teenagers if I ever saw one.
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Virgin in this context means unwed.
But good luck convincing a Christian of that ;-)
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He ran out of 9th level spell slots and had to use an 8th level slot to create Jesus.
The question really starts before that. Yahweh is supposed to be "omnipotent" or "all powerful". So, why was The Christ necessary at all? If Yahweh could shape reality just by saying things and they became real, couldn't he just say "I forgive you" and "Original Sin" would be forgiven?
So either Yahweh isn't all powerful and there is some greater power to which he is subservient; or, Yahweh just wanted to dip his dick in an unwilling woman to create his son/self to torture to death. All hail Yahweh!
Apparently bro has a pretty serious code of conduct and adheres to it to a T
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The thing is how you want to view it.
Option 1:
Neutral view of religion and history.
People tried to explain their existence and what they could observe. The Bible is just a big collection of stories that tried to explain their understanding of the world. Why it is how it is and who made it and why they made it like that. Why they have to suffer and can have fun....
Option 2:
Overall religious.
God is omnipotent but likes to do shit in a weird way for a reason. This is fine because this is important for some reason and not only what the result in the end is important but the way to it too. Gods decision is always the best.
Option 3:
Sarcastic
God is an asshole who just likes to play with the humans from time to time. Nothing he does is needed to make sense. He could in an instant remove all our problems and create a world where there is no need to suffer. However that would be boring. I mean look around most humans are assholes and we are being created in the image of God.
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Give the guy a break, it was his Hot Girl Summer, he just wanted to experiment.
Because it's all made up, and the points don't matter.
It's harder to bullshit society about events that happened after they've developed writing.
Because he already ate all of the spare ribs.
It's simple, God was actually Aliens, and Adam was an android while Jesus was a human, so they had to inseminate real woman in his case.
Who was the fake woman they inseminated in the other case?
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Magik
The Gathering?
I'd tap that.
I am an atheist, but this doesn't seem like a strong argument to me. The answer seems clear: He wanted Jesus to be partly human due to all that stuff about sharing our sins and so forth. It's nonsense to me, but it appears to make sense to believers.
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The same reason why Leia Organa remembers her mother despite her dying in Revenge of the Sith - the power of retconning sometimes has its... drawbacks
I always imagined she "remembered" through her force sensitivity; not unlike Dune's genetic memory concept
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While I agree this is funny (and am aware this is a meme community) I'd be careful to not use this as an argument. Nowhere does it say the only way God could've sent Jesus was through a virgin birth.
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Jesus was “created” as deity incarnate (need the flesh to make the flesh) and Adam as a divine being(given free will as a divine creation…until he chose the wrong thing)?
God finally busts a nut and y'all want to shame him.
It was premarital sex, so he deserves it for breaking the 10 commandments.
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