this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 61 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Stop pretending like you don't fart when you pee, there's no shame in it. That's typically the time to moan, if you're going to do it.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 36 points 2 months ago (1 children)

All while you’re looking your urinal neighbor straight in the eye.

[–] Mercury@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Relevant username

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 49 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Do it again, but include sneezing this time.

[–] scytale@lemm.ee 39 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If you fart and sneeze at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 15 points 2 months ago

But there's a small chance of it making a printout on your underpants.

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

Core memory

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 months ago

Then add cumming

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Personally, I'd find it very concerning if I went to piss and farts started coming out instead.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike 33 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If you hold farts in till you go to the restroom, its a natural time they'll come out as you relax while peeing.

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 12 points 2 months ago (3 children)

But farts aren't supposed to come out of your pee hole.

...Right?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Urethrarts are dangerous, consult a doctor

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

What am I supposed to say, "Doctor, I pee carbonated."

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 months ago

No, I don't think I will

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 4 points 2 months ago

Not with that attitude.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What does pee holes have to do with it. It's just about relaxing the muscles in the area that were holding the farts and pee so the farts come out too.

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[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Wouldn't the fart bubbles make the pee go everywhere? Like air bubbles in a garden hose when you first turn it on.

[–] JoeyHarrington@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 months ago

No the farts actually assist with urine release from the urethra. It's healthy.

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[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 33 points 2 months ago

checks community

Yep, we're in the right place, boys.

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 25 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Where is the case where I'm being efficient and do everything in 1 go?

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 months ago

That is the entire second row about

[–] Venat0r@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FozzyOsbourne@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

This man's parts send his sharts off the charts

[–] Sparky@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

What like brushing your teeth or showering?

[–] HappyFrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Reading this was very confusing until i realized some people don't sit down to piss.

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[–] Lime66@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

So pissing while farting sucks but farting while pissing is OK?

[–] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Do you drop trou and stand in front of a toilet every time you need to toot the flesh whistle?

[–] Amir@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Yeah the top one is accidental so if you're farting you're probably still wearing your pants

[–] cheddar@programming.dev 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I always put down my pants when I fart.

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 6 points 2 months ago

Farting in the office must be doubly awkward.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

and aim at the ceiling. we call that room "pollock's corner"

Same for shitting/pissing.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] needthosepylons@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Ah yes, I often shit while I shit.

[–] sag@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)
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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Sometimes you think youre done and as you go to wipe, guts are like "but wait, theres more!"

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

That's a matter of opinion.

[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

The picture doesn't do justice to the evil that is sharting. Especially in the middle of a long run.

[–] twinnie@feddit.uk 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I honestly think I’d rather shit myself while farting than piss myself. If you shit yourself you can hide it and clean up. If you piss yourself everyone can see.

[–] ajoebyanyothername@lemmy.world 34 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I feel like you're overestimating your ability to subtly shit yourself.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And the smell. And the potential liquid.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

Yeah, sharts aren't exactly known for being a solid log.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 6 points 2 months ago

Nobody shits themselves with a solid.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

I haven't stopped shitting for the last... checks watch twenty two years. Any combo is nice. The triple is a beaut

[–] rimmedalpha@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Center bottom is all wrong. Should be this:

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Shitting turns out to be the most hazardous activity of the trifecta.

[–] sebsch@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 months ago

Everything is nice while shitting

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