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/uj Feelings are feelings, only actions cross the line into inappropriate territory. You had a pleasant interaction and got the warm fuzzies, nothing wrong with that. There is also a chance, can't really say without additional context that this person wanted to date you. I certainly don't give my contact deets out to everyone I share a cig with.
/rj how fucking dare you, you must take SSRI to remove all libido or you will go viral as an abuser.
/rj how fucking dare you, you must take SSRI to remove all libido or you will go viral as an abuser.
Unironically the best bit of me taking SSRIs was the brief period where I lost all my libido. Wouldn’t say it was great if it had continued but it was very novel to be entirely non-horny. Lot of shame and other issues tied to my sexuality so it felt nice to just exist without it for a bit.
/uj You must be right, I might be overreacting. The subjective experience is very unpleasant but as long as I'm objectively not creeping her I guess it's alright. Not gonna detail the whole context but evidence suggests that she's not into me so I'm definitely not making a move. I'll find a healthy way to cope! (writing a thread on Hexbear is probably one I guess)
/rj I'll surrender to the Volcel Police to be sent to the maleness termination facility
There are no thought crimes.
If your outward behavior hasn't changed to make them uncomfortable, you're beating yourself up over nothing, comrade
Most crushes are unjustified. Sometimes, that's the only way for a crush to exist. You get to know someone and the ick kicks in strong.
Okay yeah I can't argue with that, I guess I just needed to hear it because it feels really obvious now
Thinking about women is not problematic, friend.
Why is everyone so fucking neurotic about this?
Like why are half the posters in this thread going WHOAAA THAT'S JUST A STEP AWAY FROM BECOMING A PSYCHO STALKER ABUSER
It's understandable up to a certain point because most men are gross, we suck and there's constant evidence for that worldview. But I agree that it's excessive to bring that attitude to a thread where someone who is struggling with a social situation is asking for support and has given us next to no reason to think anything untowards has happened.
I have dealt with leftism long enough to know that it's never as simple /s
But seriously yeah I know it's fine it's just some kind of anxiety, I don't know what I'm afraid of, to my knowledge I've never been creepy to anyone, yet somehow I'm tormented by the idea of being one
there are plenty of thoughts you can have about women that are problematic.
Falling this hard after meeting somebody once for a dozen minutes may be more indicative of other personal stuff rather than just being a "creep"
I might have terminal romantic brain
I'd understand if I was an inexperienced teen but that's not the case. I had multiple, long, healthy relationships, and I still can't handle a crush ffs 
I think it might be important to separate this from "romance"
Its not really romance, just obsession
It's extremely normal, just don't behave like a creep
the good news is, i know black magic and if you cashapp me 50 bucks i actually can remove the patriarchy from your body
the bad news is, this deal is running out in the next 15 minutes, so act fast!
This is normal human stuff
Just ask them out imo. This feeling will only fester otherwise. And if they say no, well now you know!
I'm really conflicted about that because I feel like it could ruin a potential friendship if I'm too daring. Also there was a tacit understanding that she would contact me when she gets into a certain shared interest we talked about soooo it would be pretty inappropriate right now, gotta wait for more developments
If you try to pursue a platonic friendship with someone you are crushing on, that has the potential to turn quite ugly, speaking from experience. Obvs you know the situation better than me, but one might say that carrying on like that is even dishonest/unfair to both parties. It will be way harder to salvage a friendship if this comes out later on, when you both know you've been continuing under false pretenses.
As for appropriateness, there's nothing weird or creepy about asking someone out! You can even lampshade the awkwardness it if needs be. You're making out that boundaries were set when you spoke with her. Is that true? Because asking her out is how you give her a chance to set those boundaries.
It's okay. Thoughts don't harm anyone, even ones much worse than the ones you're having. It is also okay to be attracted to someone even if it's not necessarily reciprocated. I also think it's pretty normal to get bowled over by someone you just met, especially you're love-starved.
I really empathize with your desire to be a good straight guy. And it sucks how much baggage gets put on you because of the awful, sexist society that we live in. But you don't have to own it all either.
And it sucks how much baggage gets put on you because of the awful, sexist society that we live in. But you don't have to own it all either.
Very well put. I really don't want to play the violin like "waaaah it's hard being forced into the oppressor's role when you're a nice little leftist!!!" but I'm happy to see people relate
Think there's about a billion songs describing what you're feeling so i wouldn't sweat it. If you're worried about creeping and not talking you should go ahead and talk to her about your mutual shared interests and hang out as friends. She did give you her contact sooo
Nothing creepy about sharing those interests over the phone or doing those things together. If you know now or find through time spent you like her romantically, then just be honest with her about those feelings and be fine with whatever her decision is.
I mean of course that's easy for me to say... but I'm trying to say strong feelings are normal and nothing to fear. Maybe don't tell her about your obsessin' till after you're married tho
You're getting a lot of "You do you, bestie!" in the responses and I'd like to gently push back on that. As someone who shared with them the false liberal thought that "there's no ethics of cognition/feeling," I have since come to learn that there is and it can be kind of important for your mental health to recognize that, depending on what challenges you experience to begin with. Some cognitive patterns can have a negative impact on you inherently (negative self-talk is a classic example), some can more directly get in the way of doing positive things (read any testimonial about porn addiction), and some will make you more prone to harm others (pedophilia, for example). Counterproductive thought patterns can catch people by surprise at various points in their life, but they shouldn't shrug and say "You do you, bestie!" and then indulge in those patterns.
That said, I think you're fine, this sort of thing wears itself out in a matter of days normally and, if it hasn't, you should probably seek more serious advice. In the meantime, rather than beat yourself up for having a crush (beating yourself up is another negative pattern), it would be much better to simply try to redirect your thoughts to something else. If you are incapable of refocusing after you've had the moment of lucidity needed to realize you should refocus, then that's another sign that it's a more serious issue. That said, there is probably nothing serious about it.
Power dynamics.
Zoomers issuing damnatio memoriae on Yeats because When You Are Old is r*pe culture
I think to a certain extent it's fine to be excited that you felt a connection with someone and it might lead to something.
But we also have to put emphasis on that might.
You shouldn't go into the thing actually expecting anything to happen and the amount you are thinking about that might not be completely healthy.
I don't know. Thinking about it. I met this woman, when she walked into the room once. I nearly died inside. She was stunning. I've never met anyone like her. I was smitten, not just on looks, but on so many aspects of her. I was secretly having a crazy crush on her for AGES. Thinking about her. Seeing her out, but not wanting to be pushing, etc.
Then, one night we were at a party thing, and she just locked lips with me in the lounge room of all places. She, it turned out, was wildly attracted to me also, all that time. Who'd have thought?! I was being so well-behaved all that time.
She's my wife now. Total win. 16 years later, and we're still wild for each other. I have no idea how that happens as I'm turning into an old guy, but, she's damn fine, and I'm still smitten when she walks in the room. Maybe even more so than back then.
I'm a fan of "go for it". For if we didn't, we'd not have experienced all the joys, tears, ups and downs, and grown our love for of all these years together.
Puppy love isn't inherently bad, fret not.
It’s called an infatuation or limerence. It has nothing to do with patriarchy or feminism lol. You can’t control who you like. Self control is more important. If you like her, great. But if you don’t think it’s appropriate, then don’t do anything. Take her down the pedestal. It’s healthy to have a short term infatuation, but when it destroys your soul and mental well being, then that’s a problem.
You're fine
I mean if your thoughts are about doing extremely unsavory/innappropriate/violent acts to her that's an issue, but this sounds like just a normal crush. I've absolutely done this with people I barely know before, hell I do this with people I see on the TV that I'll never meet irl.
