this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2024
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Showerthoughts

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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The best ones are thoughts that many people can relate to and they find something funny or interesting in regular stuff.

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 149 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com 20 points 1 month ago

Take your upvote and get out.

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[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 109 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Water + Jesus = Wine

Wine + Jesus = Brandy

Brandy + Jesus = Twice-distilled Brandy? Cooking sherry? Idk

[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 49 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I choose to believe at this point, Jesus got so drunk he forgot to try it a third time.

[–] metaStatic@kbin.earth 42 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Is this really the blood of Christ? Man that guy must have been wasted 24/7

[–] acosmichippo@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

bro do you got any snacks to go with this

[–] ech@lemm.ee 13 points 1 month ago

You can have one tasteless cracker.

[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

All I can offer is some fish and bread.

[–] Kraiden@kbin.earth 9 points 1 month ago

It's all you can eat though, so there's that

[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

He's 30 years old, still lived with his parents, and spent all day hanging out with his twelve dude bros in a time before XBox existed.

Of course he was fucking hammered all day.

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[–] Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 46 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yes. The power to do literally anything would allow one to do this.

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Can he create a stone that is not liftable and then proceed to lift it?

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (19 children)

Unironically the question by witch many Christian faiths differ: does God needs abide to the rules of logic or not?

For the Roman Catholic, yes, for Calvinists and a bunch other (ok, many other but I'm not an expert), no.

[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Answer: whatever causes the person you're arguing with to throw their hands up and storm off more exasperated..

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

No, not really, it's mostly a matter of power.

The Church itself is rooted in the idea that there are autorities on matter of faith and they adopted the Platonical Agostinean idea that faith is empowered by reason. Reason being a valid tool means you have experts that reasoned a lot about religion and people that know less and needs to be taught, ultimately by the Pope.

The "other" side tends to reject authorities, and take the words of the bible as sobjected to personal interpretation or, to an extent, make it into some sort of magical object that the faithfull subjects itself to, without questions. Accepting the contradictions, the illogal parts, are what that kind of faith is about because to question (throught reasoning) God is a Sin.

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[–] Hexarei@programming.dev 11 points 1 month ago (3 children)

The easiest answer to this is yes, he could create a stone he couldn't lift. And then he could lift it anyway.

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[–] Zahille7@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Your comment made me think of this scene from American Dad

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[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

"And on the third day, there was a wedding in Cana. Jesus' mother was there. When the wine was drunk, Jesus' mother said to him, 'We're out of wine.' 'Bruh... That's a big yikes. But why do I care?', replied Jesus.

Jesus mother instructed the servants, 'you just do whatever he tells you no matter how stupid it sounds.' Jesus sighed and turned to the servants saying, ' Okay. You see those jars? Nope. Not that one. The big ones. Yeah. Those big ones over there. Go fill them up with water. All the way up. Then take some of the water and give it to the host."

The servants were more than a little skeptical but shrugged and did as they were told. When the host of the wedding feast tasted the water, it had become wine. And the host exclaimed, "Damn! That is some good shit. Where did you get that from?" And the servants were amazed because they knew from where the wine came.

And the servants implored Jesus, 'Do it again! No, wait. Can you make something stronger this time?"

-- The Gospel According to [Skibidi] John

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[–] 01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 22 points 1 month ago (4 children)
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[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jesus can spike a girl's drink from across the room.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 15 points 1 month ago

He gets that from his dad.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yes? He's literally God and created the world. Doing other things as well like multiplying loaves and rising from the dead. I think He could make wine more and more concentrated, lol

[–] supertonik@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 month ago (35 children)

I've always found it amusing when people try to use logic to state that Jesus did this and this and it isn't logical or God isn't logical.

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[–] Allero 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Everyone's focused on whether Jesus can do it or not while completely forgetting regular people can do that

Just, remove the water, c'mon.

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[–] grue@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No, because then the ATF will show up and shoot him.

[–] doingthestuff@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Certainly any dogs nearby RIP

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[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 month ago

If he uses 100% of his power it turns all the way back to grapes.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 14 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Eventually it would just become brandy.

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[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool

If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool

He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Baryshnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool

No wonder there are so many Christians

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[–] Windex007@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

No it is impossible for God to do that.

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[–] Egg_Egg@lemm.ee 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jesus is said to be God, therefore he should be omnipotent and capable of literally anything we could comprehend as humans, or even more than that even.

Obviously it's all bullshit but yeah.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

so does that mean Jesus could change semen to wine if he was giving a handy since semen is mostly water?

follow up question, would there still be semen in the wine if all he's changing is the water?

follow follow up question, how much money do you think one could make if they ejaculated wine instead of semen?

finally, do you think Jesus masturbates and ejaculates wine for a refreshing post-nut beverage?

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[–] just_an_average_joe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't think so, the premise is that water can be converted to wine. Water here does not mean the chemical composition (ie h2o) but rather as a concept. So once water is converted the whole of it is refered to as "wine". If you were to separate it into components you can do so but they won't be called wine. Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.

Another caveat, water is more than just h2o ie, what we usually refer to as "water" can contain many things like minerals, salt and even bacteria etc, in fact i doubt you can get pure h2o easily.

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[–] Balthazar@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If he indeed turned water into wine and made all things, why would he need to recurse as if he can't get it right the first time?

[–] acosmichippo@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

because he works in mysterious ways of course.

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[–] LesserAbe@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Late one evening a boy and his father were accosted by a mugger. The traumatic moment unlocked some kind of latent power within the boy. Frantically he tried to intervene, skin touched skin, and the assailant's blood turned to wine, fatal. But not before the cretin dealt a terminal blow to the father. And that night that boy became the hero we all know, Jesus Christ.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] mtpender@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jesus can make port confirmed

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[–] tunetardis@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 month ago

Probably, but he had to leave something for bored celibate monks to do. There are worse callings than to devote a lifetime to finding all manner of ways to fortify wines.

[–] Alenalda@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (13 children)

Is this a midas touch kinda thing? The human body is 60% water 🤔

[–] Car@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There was a British superhero TV show called Misfits. One of the delinquents had the power to control milk, I.e. you drink milk and this guy could curdle it in your body and kill you.

Are we both thinking about 15% BAC murderin’ Jesus here?

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[–] jewbacca117@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Woah you might be on to something here

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[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Can the space man make port?

[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Mmmm pass me more of that wine powder

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

Wouldn't it be an alcoholic paste?

[–] oce@jlai.lu 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

You just have to find another bodily fluid with the same color as the target alcohol.

[–] toomanypancakes@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So if I'm looking for Baileys...

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