finished studying every hiragana character and know them quite well 
time to start working on vocab and then katakana 
this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it"). Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
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being a social reject
Kinda wish someone would just say this stuff to my face. It's like everyone else knows what my deal is and has decided to see me as an NPC. Literally they all know and just are like "interactions with you end here"
I feel like I'm more likely to explode than to ask a direct question with intent in a social setting or talk to someone who isn't already talking to me first. I feel like there are times where I just stand around hoping someone will interact with me, because I don't trust the interaction to go well if I go up to someone.
And it's not just being quirky and smol or whatever. I like don't have friends and struggle with my goals because I can't talk with confidence 😶 It blows chunks
spoiler
same
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::: spoiler mental health meltdown, spectrum brain shit, trans shit, dysphoria, alcohol cessation, drugs
I think I overloaded and short circuited something in my weird brain from stepping too far out of my comfort zone
I got extremely sad and overwhelmed by realizing how acutely difficult it is for me to try and Have Fun and Be Normal and big crowds and noise make me really existentially weird and maudlin about how being surrounded by happy normal people make me viscerally feel Alone and mentally beat the shit out of myself for not already being in a better place in my life overall
Saw a trans woman there and I know it's bad to assume things about strangers but something about seeing how much of a Normal Woman(Trans) she seemed like made me extremely self conscious and feel incredibly grotesque and meltdown internally with "oh god why did I stay in denial so long, why didn't I come out in my teens and transition young, I'm doomed, etc" thoughts
I got home late and really wanted to buy booze and fall off the wagon and get blackout drunk but willed myself out of it and took a bunch of kratom and can't sleep and feel kinda sick and just totally burned out
Sorry for being like this and also sorry for apologizing for not being okay lmao
^AAAAAAAAAAA^
'tism shit, substance use
I can't believe how relatable your post is. I keep falling back into cycles of trying to do more for myself, feel incredibly overwhelmed, envious of others who find it much easier, which makes me more overwhelmed, which then makes me feel even more disabled compared to those around me, which makes me even more envious and on and on until I meltdown.
Just had a meltdown again a couple of days ago because I spent a bit too much time (a few hours) on the bus in a single day, and the noise and the lights were too much I guess. Literally hitting my head a lot, hurting myself by hitting walls, crying, brain-full-of-bees sensation for hours, completely thought terminating state of being. I guess the fact that I've been able to cobble together some abstract thoughts about sexuality a couple days after while high as shit is... something... But in general, now I'm trying to give myself some time to recover, since my head and hands still hurt and I'm just trying to do my best to not have a repeat meltdown, which means trying my best to not think about these things too much in fear of going down another spiral ending in a meltdown. And the cycle repeats - my ADHD is driving me mad with angst for stimulation, while I try to "rest" because my autism is still reeling from the last time I attempted to that.
I don't know how this ends... I don't know how to be a functioning human being, for the sake of my own humanity and for the sake of all those desperately in need, who I desperately wish to give every spare drop of my life essence to.
^AAAAAAAAAAAA^ ^indeed^
sending you lots and lots of love
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sex stuff
so if I can't really imagine being comfortable having sex with someone before getting to know them a little bit, does that make me demi? I can imagine a hypothetical scenario in which I'm in a vetted space and might have sex with someone spontaneously, but I'd have to know a lot about the vetting process and be at ease with it in my mind, or maybe I would even need to know and personally trust the people doing the vetting. I guess it kinda feels like I don't really relate to not being able to feel sexual attraction to someone without an emotional connection, but rather, in a world such as this, I don't see a situation in which I wouldn't want that as a way to protect myself from chuddery. So using the demi label might make sense in a practical sense? Kinda like how I might not only like women, but find lesbian umbrella a comfortable place to exist right now (actually it's a bit different, since I actually actively crave connections with women, who I feel like I've been unfairly socially segregated from my whole life, but I hope the comparison makes sense).
I guess I can also imagine having more casual sex in a world where people are much more open and wear their hearts on their sleeve, but that's pretty antithetical to the imperial core, especially neurotypical culture. Also I'm not sure what level of heart-on-sleeveyness would make that happen for me, so maybe that's not a thing lol (might be a healing writing exercise though haha). Idk, any thoughts on this would be interesting to hear.
responce
Seems like the demisexual label would be useful for you, so I would go for it if I was in your situation.
(actually it's a bit different, since I actually actively crave connections with women, who I feel like I've been unfairly socially segregated from my whole life, but I hope the comparison makes sense).
mood fr fr 
spoiler
it does kinda make you into a demi, but maybe casual sex just isnt for you either? i dunno, i've been calling myself demi-pan for a while now but ultimately i don't think the labels matter that much. Maybe there are some people who you'd like to fuck after only just meeting them and maybe there are other people who you'd need to get to know a whole bunch first. Or maybe you don't want to fuck anyone and just have a romantic relationship with them. Who knows, just do you, girl. you don't need to label it, if you don't want to.
I guess I'm mostly thinking about just communicating this feeling to others in some sort of succinct way. But yeah I think I also don't have to agonise over it too much if it doesn't exactly fit, I don't have any allegiance to the label or anything
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Been trying to play more Warhammer 40k - Rogue Trader and I just....can't really get into it.
some light spoilers in the end, mostly just a rant about crpgs and making the player a big fucking deal but the gameplay doesnt reflect that
There's a lot of dialogue and that is completely fine. the turn based combat? also fine, great even. What I can't fucking stand is the running, the constant running from place to place, to scavenge every single locker to see if I can find something to use or sell. I'm supposed to be a big fucking deal (tm) in the universe. Like I have a room sized "Warrant of trade" that the corpse god personally signed^1^ for me, but I'm still personally running around and looting every fucking supply closet to see if someone left a Broom + 2 in there?? And I know for a fact that if I don't in later chapters some lvl 69 Peasant is going to one shot my gall even if she is in power armour, because I missed out on the Duster + 12 that was hidden in this one guy's toilet.
uuuuuugggghhhhh 
just give me a game where I get teleported from conversation to conversation and battle to battle please. The cRPG looting simulator shit is getting tiresome to me.
Had the same issue with Dragon Age Inquisition too, actually. Two things, stop making me such a big fucking deal right from the get go OR give me servants who loot everything!! treat me like shit instead of a member of nobility and I can totally understand looting everything, but goddamn. Getting quests from my own subordinates because their lives are in danger or some shit. BITCH I OWN YOU!!!!! You go fetch your grandma's knickers or whatever the fuck this quest is about. Better yet, I'll make you the loot bitch who runs after me, how does that sound?
Stop. Making. Me. A Leader. If. I. Cant. Give. Orders. Please.
^1^ ^might^ ^not^ ^be^ ^from^ ^the^ ^emperor^ ^himself^
Bah
Poiting out my current stim phrases to bully myself
Somewhere somehow someway, I picked up saying "it rocks/it rules" or "this rocks/this rules" or similar about fucking EVERYTHING, both ironically as a shitpost and unironically for some reason.
I am not sure where this phrase comes from, I think it is Orange Book. Maybe it's when she says "it's not even ironic: Poison rules" about the big patch of the first Poison album cover on the back of her stupid denim jacket? My brain remembers that she was describing something terrible with "which rules" or something.
Please send help.
in the same boat lol. i picked up saying "rocks" a good while ago though, i just find it to be such a fun americanism. "rules" is definitely used like a handful of times or more in orange book and i have begun using that too as a result.
on a personal note, i try not to overanalyze whether I'm saying stuff "ironically" or not these days, if something is fun to say I just allow myself to say it. autism is like that and overthinking the irony aspect can come a little close to performing a value judgement for me which I wanna avoid, like trying not to police my own innocuous language and instead just realizing it's nbd either way. I'm anti-the concept of irony anyway at least in the sense it's been used online for the last while and think we need to transcend it lol.
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saying things rule fucking slaps tho, especially if you're like double-post-ironic about it.
tbh my use of these phrases is completely unironic, i'm bringing them back
edit: but I could get more use out of them if i started using them ironically as well... hmm....
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Really shook up the status quo tonight, came out to a long time friend. First time telling someone other then you all.
It went well, he is supportive and reminded me he's my friend. Asked what pronouns I'd want around other friends too, which I forgot to bring up.
I never like change, I am very fearful about this one, but it is actually going okay so far. Thank you to all the mega posters, I would not be where I am without you
!!!!!!!!!!!! congratssss we are sooooo proud of u :o
proud of you
Happy for you, congrats! :lets-fucking-go:
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I’ve been broke and unable to afford testosterone and it’s killing me. Been off of it for months now
Hit up the mutual aid comm?
Thank u tho
I’ve tried, although it was for food, and I havent really been successful….
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my wife woke up to go pee, so I asked her her favourite taxonomy fact. hers is that ants are either a type of wasp or decended from a wasp like ancestor (thee science is still out on it). and like it's true, you look at an ant vs a wasp and they do look really damn similar, especially flying ants
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an NSFW joke a tad too far, tbh
how can i ever even earnestly call myself a trans girl? i've never fucked a pumpkin before
