chapotraphouse

Fell out of bed from a 7 day bender, threw on my finest sweatpants and buldak ramen-stained tagless t-shirt, hopped into my 2012 Toyota Corolla that is literally held together with duct tape and is probably not even street legal, stuffed a celebrity rockstar sized line of cocaine into my face and voted for "Pig Poop Balls" as my write-in candidate. I understood the assignment.

I look like le republican, but really I'm le democrat

SO. F*CKING. EPIC!!!!! THE NARWHAL BACONS AT MIDNIGHT!!!!!

Why are Texans so fucking weird

we understood the assignment

All that big man posturing and he still thinks of voting like homework assigned to him by his teacher

I HATE PERFORMATIVE TOXIC MASCULINITY

I HATE PERFORMATIVE TOXIC MASCULINITY

We understood the assignment

I HATE TACTICOOL COP LARPING

I HATE TACTICOOL COP LARPING

If there's no one around to observe your forced performance of the idealized version of masculinity, can you still call yourself a man?

some people are really really comfortable living in a prescribed train of thought

This man sucks, and what I am about to say isn't the point of the post, but I gotta get something off my chest... I like cigars. My cousin smokes them and he's pilled me on them and they taste good and it's one of the few things that actually make me sit down and just be present in the moment. No yapping, no phone, no nothing. It's incredibly pleasant.
I hate how there's a cargo cult around cigars and how they've become a signifier for masculinity and wealth, because they used to be working class and they're a lot of fun to smoke with my girlfriends too. I understand the apprehension towards cigars because all one sees is dudes like that smoking them, but really I would recommend them. They're not super expensive and it's a nice time. They also get you high, which weed does too, but cigars also do it. They're nice, okay? I buy them from a cool little shop where the guy says he gets them from his cousin in Cuba and sometimes he's pissed at his cousin because his cousin just ships random shit instead of the specific things that are ordered and I think it's funny and cool and sometimes I get free cigars because of the cuban cousin and it's good okay?

imagine bragging about voting

Literally everything about this screams "Republican", jesus christ.

Insufferable.

Ok, but that glass of bourbon was probably before jumping in F-150 and possibly not just one.

i bet he drinks his beer in 0.33l (or whatever the US equivalent is) bottles, which makes him a gay communist cyclist. sorry, i dont make the rules.

So brave and epic of that Texan to risk his life entering some assembly hall/community centre and shit to vote./s