Honestly gaslighting like that is disgusting to get someone's hopes up like that only to find out she has a BF. A girl was doing that to me, and now I have a hard time trusting people anymore.
this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2024
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I’m actually in a situation somewhat like this. A girl our online group knows became somewhat fixated on me. She wants to talk all the time, fantasizes about us living together, but I know she has a long term bf. She isn’t happy with him, but still, they love together and we know him, so it’s fairly inappropriate.
Prob fake but imagine spending a lot of time trying to form a friendship with someone and in the end you find they were only trying to fuck the entire time.
Incels always be fuckzoning every "female" they meet. It's why their celibacy is involuntary.
Theres a lot to unpack here, but really OP made a mistake by asking to go hiking. Thats a terrible first date idea and also isnt inherently date-y. Likely he was just missreading her kindness as flirting, but if he had asked her to dinner or coffee brunch it would've made his intentions more clear to her.
Not that it really matters because its fake and gay anyways.
Why is hiking a bad first date? Its free and walking side by side makes it easier to talk casually + it makes you appear like someone who actually leaves the house.
The whole purpose of ~~buying the boat~~ going on a hike in the first place was to get the ladies nice and ~~tipsy top side~~ alone, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place ~~below deck~~, and you know, they can't refuse...because of the implication.
Not sure if this was above posters point, but this was pointed out to me once...
As a guy who typically dates girls, you're asking a woman to go out in the woods alone with you to a place that likely has no cell service and no way to contact anyone and is typically for the most part completely isolated from civilization.
A walk in the park is a lot better, yeah.
Maybe not for a brand new Tinder date but a hike with someone you've known otherwise for a while sounds fine. A hike doesn't have to be way out in the sticks either where you need to rub sticks to light a fire. Plus I think it makes for a great filter, if she is willing to be alone with you like that, chances are she's into you as more than just friends.
Well, I read like a hundred times that going for a coffee is an incredibly boring date idea and doing some activity you both actually enjoy is much better.
For what it's worth, I hate the idea of a coffee / dinner date. Seems incredibly forced and like some kind of an interview. Though, I'm not dating and not interested in doing it, so I might be completely out of touch.
Coffee is boring if you are boring. That's why some people are against it.
There is also an art to keeping it short. No need to sit at a table for 5 hours. After an hour you should know if you want to go do something together.
With my current partner, we met "just" for a coffee at 11:30am. We got home at 7pm after said coffee, a walk, some drinks, dinner, and having had an awesome time.
Not to say I don't agree with you - keeping at least the initial intention short and sweet gives an easy way out in case either person isn't enjoying the date.
Coffee is a great first date if you met on a dating app. It's a public location where you can both meet in person for the first time and chat but neither of you is forced to stay if things aren't shaping up how you expected.
But if you already know each other then yeah, coffee isn't much of a date.
Yeah, I guess it does makes sense if you're meeting with a complete stranger. Personally I would still prefer something like a walk in the park but this probably just comes down to personal preference.
My first dates generally start with coffee then turn into a walk in the park if things are going well. A coffee shop is also just a convient place to meet. But I guess that is also going to depend on city layout.
The dutchie in me got confused for a second when u said coffee shop, but hey going to get some weed together can be a fun first date if it's your thing.
It's a safety thing too. Most girls want a public place for a first date. Especially from an app. A park is romantic and nice but offers little in safety depending on the size, location and popularity of the area. So, grab a coffee first. Then suggest a walk around if you want to get a little closer. No need to stay at the coffee house but a park for a first meet can sounds like a frightening proposal for a single woman.
Ok, the park I'm imagining is definitely a safe, public space. I meant something like a city park, not a national park or something, maybe that wasn't clear.
Even if you want to do something more interesting than coffee, find something better than "let's go together to a remote area where no one will hear you scream or find your body" or even just "you'll be stuck the whole afternoon with no way out if it turns out you don't like me." If you want to do something like that, I would recommend a climbing gym or something like that instead. It's public and it's easy to leave, two things you should make sure to include in a first date.
I might be boring, but I would hate a climbing gym first date. It’s public and easy to leave, but requires certain clothing, involves weird contortions and angles, and I’d get red and sweaty af. I’m not especially femme (so no makeup problems), but that’s still a recipe for self consciousness for me.
Obviously if you float it beforehand and they accept, that’s great (and they’re probably more what you’re looking for), I would just not suggest that as an extension of a coffee date. I could see it going either way from your comment, so I just wanted to note it.
Well it was just the first idea close to hiking that popped in my mind (that fit the public and easy to leave criterion). I personally wouldn't do that since a) I'm a couch potato and b) I'm happily married (and haven't really dated before that).
I always do nature trails and I carry pepper spray, and take a trail I know well so I can get us back to the parking lot quickly if I wanna pack it up sooner. Most trails in my area are well populated to boot.
I absolutely wouldn't go on a remote hiking trail with a stranger. That's just asking for a bad time.
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I'll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
"Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?"
"...I think there's been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn't realize you had a boyfriend. I'm going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him." And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Don't flirt with someone single if you're not interested, don't flirt with someone in a relationship if you're not interesting in breaking it.
It's just that simple.
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I don't get why anon believes he is being used. It was a miscommunication, sure. Did he spend money on her before this? Using him as a ride to go on a hike? Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
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Comments here are ignoring we only have this guys extremely biased view of this situation and are saying "leading him on" was cruel again big assumption.
You mean we have this guy's extremely biased view on this completely made up situation?
since we have only one part of this supposedly real situation:
4channers always loose and this one did as well, how dare this woman wanting an actual friend
and of course this weirdo assumes it was totally flirting
I'd say they're tight, not loose.
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I'm reading a green text post here, and then the comments are analysing the situation as if this is r/amitheasshole. What's going on Lemmy?
Lemmy has a unique community. Lots of thinkers. Personally, I love reading when people start seriously interpreting greentexts.
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