this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...

I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).

Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.

CONTENT WARNINGSGrief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given

PremiseThe titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.

The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)

"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).

Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).

Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).

Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.


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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 31 points 1 week ago (6 children)
[–] Thallo@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

Me too. Been thinking about her...

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[–] Carcharodonna@hexbear.net 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Me right now trying to hold it together and get through the day

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[–] Kuori@hexbear.net 28 points 1 week ago

lmao just got a notification from my pcp that i'm apparently overdue for a pap smear. i'd uh, like to see her try i guess?

[–] yewler@hexbear.net 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have acquired the blΓ₯haj

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 23 points 1 week ago (8 children)

This whole "being a person" thing is really not working out, on a buncha levels. What if I were just a cat, instead?

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[–] Yukiko@hexbear.net 23 points 1 week ago

I am willing to commit to the statement that Hexbear has the largest pup community in the fediverse.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

hello trans mega

i finally talked to that one girl

spoilerit was... a surprisingly normal conversation. apparently i hit her at a bad time in life (she just broke up with one of her gfs 2 days before i told her oh-shit ) but was actually really understanding and said she was proud of me for even saying anything. Apparently, despite being so infatuated by her that I straight up wrote her a love letter (that went unmentioned during our talk because that would have been weird), she actually didn't see me being attracted to her at all like that. She ultimately didn't see me back as anything more than a friend which was disappointing but ultimately the answer which I expected

kind of disappointing that there was nothing but like... it was an extremely normal conversation that will not cause any further drama and i feel better for having said something even if it didn't go the way i really wanted it to

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 16 points 2 weeks ago

Turn that letter into a boat and give it a Viking funeral

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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 22 points 1 week ago

i think that if ur trans and someone misgenders u u should be able 2 fucking kazuma kiryu heat action them

[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 22 points 1 week ago

Furiously scribbling down Make puppygirls bark the USSR national anthem

[–] hyrax@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

AWA AWAAAAAAAA!!!! :3 πŸŽ‰πŸŽŠβœ¨πŸŽ‡πŸŽ†

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago (2 children)

getting gendered correctly by a customer after getting like 10 "sirs" in a row before feels like getting up from Fight For Your Life mode in Borderlands

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[–] Moss@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

There is a decent amount of evidence to suggest that Jesse Pinkman is a transgender man

He's called Jesse (a gender ambiguous, but typically feminine name) PINKman (as of to highlight his conscious choice in gender presentation; he does not harbor toxic masculinity in thinking that pink emasculates him). He wears baggy clothing even when weather inappropriate due to gender dysphoria. He is on shaky conditions with his parents who clearly don't accept him, but his little brother does.

Due to a lack of parental support, he had to start cooking meth to make ends meet, and also learned to make DIY HRT with his chemistry skills. He dates Jane, who is also trans (obviously). Most people are supportive of him, except for Mike, who is transphobic (you are not the guy).

Jesse Pinkman is trans, this is one transillion percent true and canon

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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago (6 children)

my mental state is completely bottoming out right now this is the worst i've felt in months i hate everything

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[–] khizuo@hexbear.net 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Eco@hexbear.net 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] AntifaSuperWombat@hexbear.net 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 17 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)
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[–] Eco@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago

i love my wife

[–] gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (4 children)

2023, i couldn't say something.

2024, i said pee pee.

2025, i'm peein' on yall!

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[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The tiddy hurting has begun elmofire

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[–] President_Obama@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago

BL MEGA!!!! coincidentally, I read this last month because a cute boy recommended it to me... And thanks to your post I know there's an anime coming out so I can text him about that blushing-engels

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago (11 children)
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[–] Eco@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (8 children)

300 pages into my book, four days before i have to return it

smashed this deadline

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Just a bunch of really unproductive self hate
spoiler that I can't stop because I cannot Facts and Logic myself out of it
fuckIt boggles my fucking mind that anyone could ever have wanted to be in a relationship with me, and then outright breaks my brain that people have gone and done that. What kind of ulterior motive does someone have that makes putting up with the most annoying loudmouth stupid shitty autistic fuck on the planet even remotely worthwhile?

And it's already confusing enough that anyone would even talk to me, just weird that people would want to chain themselves to my stupid bullshit for years on end. I literally do not get it. I guess I should consider myself lucky not to be terminally alone even though that's probably exactly what I deserve. Would be better if people didn't have to listen to my grating shit all day every day forever.

It is like, who fuckin decided that I should be allowed to speak? Bad call, someone needs to answer for that.

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[–] NotLuigi@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Facebook is feeding me cute lesbian art and I’m here for it

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (3 children)

2025 is the year of wifeposting doggirl-thumbsup

For instance: My wife’s chickpea curry smells so good doggirl-kiss

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[–] Eco@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] naom3@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Hormones really have changed my cold tolerance. It’s only -20 but it feels too cold to be outside

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[–] Yukiko@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

Look on the bright side everyone. If we make it to 2026, we get to deal with obnoxious USians getting themselves off over the 250th anniversary of the United States.

[–] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

cloying, sadwrote a thing for the self improvement thread

Not to be weird but like, I genuinely like a lot of you and respect and feel some kinship with you as comrades and having Gender and uh, I really don't have any IRL ppl right now to talk to or seek praise or approval from and uh, sorry to sound like a sad sack or pathetic but like, I'm not doing well mentally and have been trying really hard to improve and ugh, I just need someone to tell me they're proud of me or someone IRL to hold me, it's been like 5 years since I've had anyone hold me and oh my God I'm so lonely, like my heart physically hurts sometimes from feeling so lonely and thurston aaaa

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (10 children)

incredibly nsfw, absolute filth, there ought to be a lawlea-think Actually no, that's way too dirty to post, don't subject people to that.

I will say though, seriously, even if you don't have any terms for your body that you like, (which is very understandable honestly) you should internally jettison all the bad and nasty and cisnormative terms from your brain. It helps, the difference is startling.

On the one hand this shouldn't be surprising at all - like, of course automatically referring to myself and my body with terms in the framework of "man" is deeply unpleasant, right? But it takes a long time to dig that shit out, so I hadn't really. My internal monologue and thought processes would just kinda stop whenever certain subjects came up... but now it's like Well, my brain is so much goddamn happier not selecting from a vocabulary of terms that pigeonholes my body as "male". Seriously, thank fuck! catgirl-heart

I know not everyone puts that much stock into terminology, and if the standard issue terms work then don't let anyone stop you brandishing them. If you find things distressing the way I did though, you should consider some alternatives.

(Yes I know this is like the fifth time I post about this, but the good vibes from it continue to surprise me)

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[–] WIIHAPPYFEW@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

if you've made it to 2025 you've gotta stay for the rest of the decade btw. warranty period's over. the second half is when every decade goes crazy anyway you can't miss that shit

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 18 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

What gender even am I in my dreams, last one I remember being was vampire or something dracula-flow

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[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 18 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

relationship stuffI have a partner now and it's my first poly relationship. I met their other partner and they're really cool. We talked quite a bit and there were no weird vibes. I'm feeling loved and happy for the first time in a while catgirl-happy

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)

awww, i don't want this year to end. it's been the best one of my life sadness

[–] amy_jmayday@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago

getting compliments on my look in ffxiv is perhaps more euphoric to me than is reasonable doggirl-sweat

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (11 children)

dooming ~~sorry~~I can't do it. I couldn't do it before and I definitely can't now. I am weak and a quitter. I can't. I just can't do any of this. There is no "better future". Its over and I'm fucked.
spoiler si/death I've known forever I'd end up killing myself. I know how it'll go. My family will be devastated. I wish I could make them understand.

Alone on the street somewhere. What an end. Its not fair. Why couldn't I have been happy.

urgesthinking of relapsing. Someone talked me down last time and if I do it again I'll feel like I just wasted her time. I think I can keep holding on for a little bit.

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[–] KatGirl@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I made this cat account and now the puppygirl pronouns are hitting me in my weak spot making me question myself

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[–] President_Obama@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Started 2025 with my mom misgendering me, she'd already been dead naming me today just lovely

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[–] Yukiko@hexbear.net 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

CW: Depression, Dysphoria, STIsBeen dealing with an immense amount of dysphoria and depression the last couple of days. It's hard to overlook the fact that I've lost a not insignificant portion of my family and friends due to being trans, including a spouse. It's especially depressing during this time of year because of the holidays, which were generally when everyone got together for it, but now it's just me and my mother and even then that's before she heads off to other family's houses. Yeah it's Christmas and I don't celebrate, but still.

Also I can't help but just become immensely sad since I can never have children. Seeing and hearing people talk about their kids as of late has been absolutely crushing my soul. Couple that with that I still have body image issues because my body just didn't shape up entirely perfectly and it's just hell for me.

One final thing is that I have an appointment for STI tests with my doctor. Here's to hoping I don't have Syphilis from that asshole.

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[–] Wendy_Pleakley@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

too tired to gender. today I am a blob

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago

Stayed up for 24 hours and then immediately fell asleep after dinner doggirl-sleep

Now I’m awake at 11pm doggirl-sweat

[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

MODS???? I SPILLED MY TRANGENDERIZING JUICE. ANYONE IN CONTACT WILL BE TURNED INTO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC HUMAN. PLESSE VACATE THE AREA. I REPEAT VACATE THE AREA

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[–] bubbalu@hexbear.net 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

[volcel-police]

DynamicI am now in a dynamic play relationship with another subby switch. We each set goals for the week and the loser has to dom. We have incredible chemistry so it is intensely motivating.

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