this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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Smart home mfs when hackers get control of their appliances and demand crypto in order to turn the taps back on: 
as the prophecy foretold
This is one of my favorite tweets of all time.
For real. You'd have to pay me $1800 to let some smart faucet into my kitchen.
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Moen makes a device that is internet powered.
It ties in to your incoming 3/4"-1" distribution line where it enters the house.. puts usage stats on a nice pretty dashboart, and also contains a shut off to kill the house feed on the off chance you are not home and spring a leak.
IIRC there are active security exploits for it if one were so inclined.
Every day, further from the light. Or whatever.
As an engineer who works with lots of data, I have so much disdain for “dashboards.” Execs spent the last 10-15 years demanding pretty pictures and numbers on a single screen, of which they comprehend very little. Now they wanna shove all that data into an AI so they don’t even have to pretend to look at it. God forbid they ask their employees in the field for their analysis.
I feel most dashboards can be replaced by a single message to the project manager: “yo is shit fucked today?” “nah” “ok cool”
just use a set of keys. You can jangle them in front of the execs if things are good, if they aren't then they don't get to coo and paw at the keys
Even better is to demand crypto to turn the taps off.
AI assist bidet that takes 10,000 pictures of your butthole and uploads them to the cloud so you and your doctor can review your anal health.
I see you have also watched the adult swim Smart Pipe skit
And shit somehow still leaks your personal data to advertisers, so you get haemorrhoid cream recommended on Amazon before your doctor even knows about the situation.
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Ooof, I’ve definitely walked into houses where people with more money than thoughts have screens on their fucking shower faucets. Screens on the tub.
Asking me to fix them because they’re afraid to call the people who installed them because it would be too expensive.
A fucking "smart" faucet. Come the fuck on this is beyond parody.
Kohler x Studio McGee.
I lnow what Kohler is, no idea whom or what 'Studio McGee' is. Some bougie BS from the ten seconds i spent looking into it.
Were i a smarter man id figure out a way to exploit it.
Does my faucet come with firmware security fixes? If so how long? Do i toss it before the hardware (valves/cartridge/etc) craps out or the software craps out and some asshole somewhere starts making my water turn off and on remotely?
Modern poltergeist movie but instead of a ghost it's some kid in India hacking some dumbasses smart home just for kicks.
The lights start to flicker, curtains begin opening and closing, the dryer turns on, suddenly a Bollywood track starts to play on the house speakers.
Lmao the bollywood part I am crying
Smart home alone: Home alone but it’s Kevin hacking into Marv and Harry’s house to fuck with them
no idea whom or what 'Studio McGee' is.
Isn't that the folks what makes them "Alice" games?
Why in the fuck does this moron need Alexa to control his faucet???
Doesn't want touch the handles after he pisses in the sink.
I was actually going to mention pissing in the sink but ive been beaten to it.
For what it’s worth, they do make consumer faucets with motion sensors. I would probably invest in that for whenever I have dirty hands, but anything that needs internet can get fucked.
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$1800 on a faucet? My partner takes home like £200 less than that…and they say that the rich are good with money.
Shit, im currently in the process of a top out/trim out on a plumbing remodel, i just installed a $2,400 Waterstone branded faucet.
And they go even further from there. There are niche plumbing fixtures that run upwards of 5,000 apiece. Waterstone, Brizo, Phylrich, Hans Grohe, etc.
Its absurd.
these people are morons. I'm not particularly jazzed about the $100 Moen faucet and sprayer combo update I'll do for my sister this weekend, as I'd prefer to rig up one of those $300 commercial kitchen deck mounted, overhead sprayer deals.
I could imagine going up to $500 on parts for something truly perfect, durable, and awesome for myself and kind of intend on it when I get to set up my.own place eventually. something that takes me back to those halcyon days of youthful summers spent washing dishes professionally.
but $2400 is deranged. and wtf does it need to connect to a networked device for? I hate rich people.
just throwing this out there, steer clear of anything from HD/Lowes etc if possible. It may be Moen branded but it is the equivalent of a black Friday good. The exact same faucet from a plumbing supply house will have a different SKU, because it is a distinctly different item; more plastic, more non serviceable stuff.
At any rate tell your sister to keep her reciept. Cartridges/seats/springs etc are free if you call the mfgr (assuming you are stuck here in the US that is)
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That is a $2,400 dollar faucet. Brushed brass, not gold. Replacement parts not available readily, must be ordered. So, i cant even fix the fucker if you call me because its leaking. Meanwhile my 125 dollar Moen kitchen faucet i can find parts for it six ways to Sunday.
That, is a $1400 dollar bar faucet.
Imagine dying of thirst because you couldn't affors to renew your amazon prime subscription
I just turn the valves with my hands
Plebe!
Jesus I hate to see what will happen to these people when climate change makes the electric grid even more unreliable
Solar powered electric fences and murder drones.
the fuck it do?
'Alexa turn the kitchen faucet on hot'
'Alexa turn the faucet on cold'
Meanwhile i just my faucet on manually because i still havent figured out how to wash my hands remotely despite my faucet being internet powered.
everyday i pray based hackers appear who would do shenanigans in smart homes for shenanigans sake, instead of complicated blackmail crimes.
like only value i can see for this is for very specifically disabled folks with very specific aims for that faucet.
Skill issue. It's not fair that this failson can just burn $1800 on an inferior product while normal people go hungry.
There are some area codes I wouldn't mind drone bombing
Like a whole semi-weekly paycheck at the median wage
I've.. never spent 1800 dollars buying a singular thing. Ever in my life. I spent $1300 on my car, that's the record.
A fucking tap. Damn.
Fart sounds 10 hours
A fool and his money are soon parted.
My shower wand has a water-flow-powered led in it. It changes color depending on the temperature. It came in clutch when I needed a shower in my windowless bathroom during a power outage.
A year later the light died, but it's still a shower wand. I think it was $20.
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