Another old shitpost I don't think I posted anywhere.
Best part of skeletons? They don't get a share of party loot when the encounter is over, they just go back to dirtnap.
this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
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I never regret fireball.
Never? Your Wizard wearing two Rings of Fire Resistance?
the only hit point that matters is the last one.
What about the first 99 because your character has a CON of 18-20 and the Tough feat?
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I'm so sick of this propaganda pushing the big skeleton agenda.
Wait. I think you're on to something. Reanimate a BIG SKELETON
Fun fact: For a group of 13 skeletons attacking the same target, the probability that at least one of them crits is about 49%.
Am i correct to assume that Crit would do 10-16 damage (depending on if you go with 5 on a hit or 1d6+2)? Of non-magical slashing damage?
Piercing damage. They have a bow, so the group could shoot 13 arrows at +4 to hit, each with 1d6+2 damage.
To be fair a fighter can't beat that from a distance of ten miles, while eating dinner and having some snacks.
Is there a requirement that there needs to be 13 skeletons readily available? Also, does it work on fossilized remains?
As a DM, my answer would be yes because it says animate not will into existence and yes because fossilized skeletons would look awesome.
And also because Animate Dead, the spell the blurb in the meme is from, reads:
Choose a pile of bones or a corpse of a Medium or Small humanoid within range. Your spell imbues the target with a foul mimicry of life, raising it as an undead creature. The target becomes a skeleton if you chose bones or a zombie if you chose a corpse (the DM has the creature's game statistics).
Interestingly, as written the pile of bones can be any pile of bones, since the Humanoid restriction parses to only being applied to the corpse section, confirmed in the Sage Advice Compendium for 5e (the wording of the spell has not been substantially changed in 5.5 for that part, only changing what the group does when you don't issue a command. Though I don't think that's included in 5.5's SAC so far). So if you have enough, like, chicken bones to arrange into the size for the skeleton statblock, that RAW works.
If I was DM'ing, I might let you reanimate a pile of chicken bones, but you get a chicken skeleton with a chicken stat block.
If I animate a wolf skeleton does it get a wolf statblock?
A version that can animate up to specific sizes and CRs when cast at a high enough level would be pretty neat.
I'd say sure. It's not like the wolf statblock is crazy different from regular skeleton stats; it wouldn't be game breaking or anything.
RAW on Animated Dead doesn't strictly limit the size of the creature when it's a pile of bones, but I think keeping it to small/medium creatures is reasonable.
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+1 to AC because grave dirt is now rocks. I like it.
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Always bring a cart full of bones with you everywhere you go. You will certainly not regret having a cart full of bones.
Why cart around a bunch of old bones when so many fresh sacks of bones willingly approach you? Some of them even follow beside you on your quests.
Technically, everyone in the vicinity, has at least one skeleton inside of them.
Don’t animate my bones, bro.
You can use my bones so long as you leave a tip
Plasmoid says, "Ackchyually..."
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13 skeletons is the max. To raise more you need a Bonelord. 13 Bonelords and you need a Lich. 13 Liches and you need a Titan.
After 13 Titans, 169 Liches, 2197 Bonelords, and 28561 skeletons... you reach Khali.
You’d need a cart or something to transport the skeletons to battle though.
They got legs don't they?
How long do they stay up versus the portion of your daily mana allotment they cost? I feel a time-and-motion study coming on.
Cool
Wish, but for emulating other spells. Literally anything I want, of 8th level or lower, as if it was already prepared? So handy.
"I wish for an army of skeletons!"
"Granted! Your army of 13 skeletons stands up from the battlefield..."
Wish can consequence-free emulate any level 8 or lower spell. So you could get 11 worry-free skeletons, or risk never casting wish again if you need 13.
Ah, that's the risky use of Wish though. It comes with a chance of losing the spell forever.
"I wish that when I cast wish I won't lose the ability to cast wish"?
Granted. The wish spell has never existed, so you can't use it.
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This is why I instead opt to carry scrolls of damn near every spell 8th level or lower.
It's a little bootleg compared to a real Wish, but in average circumstances I can give Batman a run for his money on being prepared for literally any eventuality.
Hmm, that works, but only for spells in your class list. That won't allow you to cast legend lore as a wizard, for instance
RAW, yeah, you're right unfortunately. Our DM lets us make the DC check to cast a non-class scroll just like you'd make if you cast one too high level for you. Web searching tells me this is a popular homebrew rule.
I may be making him regret that decision somewhat.
Isn't that killing the thief rogue subclass's use magic device ability?
Little bit yeah. UMD is quite a bit more versatile than this though, ours is restricted to scrolls and requires a spellcaster check.
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