Ask Lemmy

"I don't think so but if you want us to eat healthier and get more exercise I'm game"

Might as well ask Lemmy how to pass the Kobayashi Maru test, while you're at it.

Tell her the truth (as I understand it you don't think she's fat), but also ask why she's asking in the first place. Offer some support if she wants to lose some weight.

I think open and honest discussion is the best approach here because now you're jus guessing what the real issue is.

"You callin my girl fat you piece of shit?!"

"Is that what we're gonna do today, we gonna fight?"

"Have you tried eating less than a metric fuckton of junk at every meal, ya goddamn ham planet?!"

That'll work.

You have to rebuke her. For real. Go like this:

" Don't you dare! I love this lovely girl here. Don't you dare badmouth her or you'll have to deal with me! "

(and not a word about fat or weight or width or any outside descriptions, because this is only about self deprecation)

You can't win this one.

“Phew! I thought you were pregnant.”

“It’s all in your ass tho and I’m an ass man.”

"Even if you have gained weight you still look beautiful. If you feel you need to lose weight let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

After having some nice intimate time, during the quiet afterglow, ask her how her self esteem has been lately. Maybe she's feeling down and wants to talk about it.

Once her feelings are in the open it will be easier to feel out a solution.

Well it isn't mine. I had a vasectomy.

My partner flat asked if I still find her as attractive as I used to. After some thought I said the following, "I don't think that's fair. You're asking me to rate someone I care about so much. I don't want to do that. I love you and just want to be there for you, with you."

Tbh, I don't know what the right answer might be for others. I'm not that wise. All I know for certain is how I feel and hoped that was enough. It was, though I am sad that I can't take her self-esteem and tear away those damn chains that hold it back from growing.

"I know a trap when I see one"

I don't know what you're talking about. Get naked and let's have a closer look.

“I want you to be happy with your body, if you need me to reassure you about how attractive you are I can, or if you want me to support you with changing your weight I can. I love you and your body”

At least that’s basically where I go as a woman with a healthy weight but body image issues for not being underweight and a wife who gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and a girlfriend who is in the “needs to lose weight for her health” range.

Just say "you're absolutely gorgeous, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I am hung up about weight like this. Spent so long on the far side of skinny that smack in the middle of healthy makes me feel I look fat. I do say I am fat, I know objectively that is not true but I miss being too skinny. Just venting really.

I think just say that she is built great now, and you like it, but it's her body. She probably isn't worried that YOU think she's fat. She is bothered because SHE thinks she's fat.

Slam your fist on the counter and shout " I'm fatter, dammit!"

Ham on. Ham on. Ham on whole wheat, all right.

Tilt your head down to her stomach and coo "om nom nom" playfully

Bring that fat ass to daddy's face then!

"Hi Fat, I'm nobloat!"

"I love all of you"

This is a canon event, we may not intervene.

In all truthfulness, this caused a major rift in my past relationship and I’d love to see how it panned out for others.

"No, you look fucking awesome."

Start going on walks with her as a date. Cut down on the carbs with her during meals.

"Fuck I love your curves"

Or ask if they want a back rub. Gets you out of alot.

IT'S A TRAP! I don't have an answer. I just want to wish you the best.

My gf has been asking me repeatedly if I think she's a cow.

I said no for about a month or so when I remembered what I'd told her not lokgn after we started dating: I'm just going to agree with anything negative you say about yourself until you stop saying it.

Responding with things like: yes, yes I do.. or: MOOOOOOO. Or: yeah, a dn sexy cow, lemme see them milkers, seems to have put a stop to it quick. Or any of the self deprecating tracks she tends to get on.

It seems to be the only thing that gets her off these weird self de}reacting spirals for some reason

She kept on asking if she looked like a Teletubby for a while so I kept saying . "Tubby custard" at weird times and it stopped.

If this sounds mean, I'm very supportive and often compliment her )looks / accomplishments and she usually laughs when it happens. It's not done with malice and we both laugh at it.

"More cushion for the pushin'"

and

"I like 'em real thick and juicy"

have worked well for me.

Whatever you do, don't reply "not that fat"

First, try to understand what's actually being said here. Sometimes I call myself fat because I'm above my target weight. But in my case my self-esteem is just fine: I'm a former gym rat who knows where I am, what I need to do to get back in shape, and that I'm still okay if I don't get there. Saying "I'm fat" is a light jab at myself and a reminder to take steps toward my goals, nothing to worry about.

If your GF is calling herself fat more hurtfully (which is sadly common) the issue is not how fat she is or isn't. That's just a symptom. The issue is whatever negative feeling is prompting her to tear herself down. Arguing with her about whether she's actually fat won't help with that, and might even do more harm than good. Maybe ask her how she's doing, remind her that you love her just the way she is.