It's been a very big week but I'm here for it

uhh gay

A very straight-looking guy came up to me at the club and said "I'm bisexual and you're...I don't know what I'm saying can I give you a hug?" Feel like I am starting to read some time of way now...

Trying to get letters for bottom surgery, should i present really femme when i see the psychiatrist??

The local cafe is really trans friendly and has cool people chilling there regularly. It just makes me happy that I've found my hang now.

I don't think the way I look and have looked all my life is that bad or unattractive, but like, I look in a mirror and just don't recongise myself. My image of myself in my head is so far divorced from my actual appearance

after a while, anti-treat discourse is just treat discourse for cynical contrarians

Shit almost forgot to post.

I just wish I could be more flamboyant and campy, living in the Bible Belt south there's not a lot I can get away with.

I got the result of my first blood tests since starting HRT and my testosterone levels were 1.2 nmol/L, things are happening. Really happy to see monotherapy is working as intended and I don't need to worry about an anti-androgen.

Lately I've had this thought like, you only desire (or allow yourself to desire) the things you believe you could reasonably get. Like I used to think I was a pretty frugal person that didn't like to buy a bunch of junk, but when I actually had disposable income I found I did have a lot of frivolous things I wanted to buy. Like I was just saying I didn't like frivolous things as cope when I couldn't have them. I think my gender stuff is like that, I think because I wouldn't ever afford all the surgery and medications and doctors, not to mention dealing with the anxiety and social aspects of it, I just don't allow myself to feel that way and suppress it. I just think like, who would I even be doing it for, maybe that's just something you should accept and be okay with. Like if I, as a man, was losing my hair to male pattern baldness I feel like the response most people would give is "why are you taking drugs to change something like that, why not just accept it?" or "you know plugs don't even look that good, it's just facsimile hair, you'll waste your money and it won't feel the same and people will be able to tell the difference". Then I think like, even if I had been born one way I'd still just be trans in the other direction, like I just wouldn't comfortable in any body. If the tech was there to put your brain in a computer and leave your body behind I'd be one of those people.

Writing selfinsert fic about myself and bayonetta except she teaches me how to Tetsuzanko in a totally platonic manner so I can chuck people through plate glass windows whenever I want

This week I have my first appointment with an Endocrinologist, was apparently very lucky lwith my region and timing, since just a year ago one required like a b}nch of papers from psychologists for hormone treatment.

Also feeling so-so, since I am in an environement where I am constantly (mis)gendered. I feel like I am backsliding into thinking I am a guy, and it is not a good feeling. But it's only for two more days.

I want to meet more local trans people, but the last attempt did not go so well. One said we had to keep out refugees because the boat is full, another was extremly sectarian, called me a tankie and a fgnocide denier and everything (over the take that the USSR was actually socialist and should be learnt from) which felt pretty bad.

Also another local trans group has split intp two(men and women) for some reason noone can explain to me.

I can maybe get access to some different regional groups, and look if they are less sectarian. I know a trans guy who is active with the local trots, maybe a possible adress.

My mom just walked into my room, made me wear a dress she was making, then left, Idk what this means

finally feeling a bit better about doing my injections. really struggled at first

I’m giving up on the idea of transitioning again.

going to be getting on a plane to visit my partner in like two weeks

i am tired and depressed and tired of being tired and depressed

satoshi kon movies ranked by how Gender they are

paprika > tokyo godfathers > perfect blue > millennium actress

weirdly i like his movies more the less gender there is

I found a voice therapy class for free over zoom, its nights, so hopefully I'm able to skip out on work to try it out. Didn't know they had things like that available for free, and with voice I need all the help I can get.

I don't have it in me to play touhou in a major way but watching someone else go for subterranean animism 1cc is thrilling. game's fucked!