this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] InEnduringGrowStrong@sh.itjust.works 77 points 9 months ago (1 children)

New in-bowl ad-screen market.

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago (1 children)

They already have a smart toilet to chemically analyze your piss. I'm feeling an inefficiency in the market.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 56 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

Phones have definitely not gotten rid of mind shattering, other-worldly dumps that take all your concentration and make you take your shirt off after eating a big, greasy and/or spicy meal.

[–] lemmyman@lemmy.world 36 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 38 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I will be once I get off the toilet.

[–] Khrux@ttrpg.network 15 points 9 months ago

Two hours on it and still going strong.

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Can confirm. I've been stopped up the last couple days and gave birth to a football this morning. No time for phones, just visceral panic and pleading to the almighty

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Glycerin suppositories are the best relief for that.

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[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

my brother in christ eat more fibre, just get some psyllium husk if that's what it takes

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[–] sagrotan@lemmy.world 32 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Oh they apparently didn't experience the real diarrhea shitting, it's so Zen when your body wants to turn itself inside out for so long that you don't feel anything anymore. And the feeling after it as if you were raped with a continent. So Zen.

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

You know it's about to get real when the shirt comes off and you put the phone down.

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[–] JizzmasterD@lemmy.ca 25 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Smoking is up there. Just close your eyes, atomize the world in front of you, and draw it in through the small, paper tube. Open your eyes and exhale a bit of yourself back into the world.

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 47 points 9 months ago (2 children)

You leave a bit of yourself in the world, the world leaves a bit of carcinogens in you ❤️

[–] dutchkimble@lemy.lol 8 points 9 months ago
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[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yes. And deep breathing is that without the paper tube.

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

When I drank a lot, I was definitely on my phone while vomiting

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago

YOU HEAR THAT, GOD?

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I mean in the olden days shitting was that time when you could really engage with the ingredients of that shampoo bottle. Or, you know, books and newspapers. Reading while shitting is probably common since both exist.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

here in sweden almost everything has translations in the other nordic languages, and school toilets have heating elements, so before phones it was universal that all students ended up learning "ei sa peitää" which means "do not cover" in finnish

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[–] Custoslibera@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago (1 children)

“Son, never trust a man who doesn’t drink because he’s probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They’re the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They’re usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they’re a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can’t trust a man who’s afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It’s damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he’s heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.“ - James Crumley

[–] milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 14 points 9 months ago

Son, never trust a man who doesn't drink when he drives; he's afraid he'll crash, and a fearful driver is a dangerous driver.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago (9 children)

I dry heave pretty much every morning as if it were morning sickness. (More here if you're curious, but please respect my wishes in that thread.)

If "please let this end quickly" is zen, I don't like zen.

[–] DillyDaily@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

As someone with chronic idiopathic hyperemesis, this is a mood.

I vomit too often and for too long to find anything zen about it. I spend the entire time heaving anxiously worrying over the state of my tooth enamel and trying to remember if I ate beets or chocolate last night to explain that colour or if I need to call an ambulance.

I vomit while using my phone. I'll play a podcast, video, music, etc

If I'm going to be heaving for 20 minutes 2-4 times a day every day for a few months, I'm not doing it in silence with my own thoughts.

I've been dealing with this on and off for about 7 years now, twice a year I'll just have a 1-2 months straight where I can't keep anything down, not even water unless I'm vigilant about stretching out my water intake over a whole day one tiny sip at a time. Then just as suddenly as it starts, one day I'll wake up and I just magically won't feel nauseous, and it's like I was never even sick!

Because it goes away on its own I've never been able to get to the bottom of it. When it starts happening, I book in with a doctor, by the time I finally see the doctor, the "flare up" has passed and any tests the doctor runs when I'm not sick are always normal. So doctors will just blame my migraine disorder for it, and move on. I recently learned about Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome so that's something I'm going to be talking to my doctor about when I see him next.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago (2 children)

That really sucks and I'm sorry to hear it. If you can call it lucky, I never actually vomit in that nothing ever comes out. It's always been dry heaving. I couldn't even imagine how hard it must be to not even be able to easily drink water. I really hope you find a solution soon and I highly recommend sending all of your medical records to the Mayo Clinic like I did (you can start by filling out a form on their website) if you think your insurance will cover it. The worst they can do is turn you down.

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[–] crazyCat@sh.itjust.works 3 points 9 months ago (7 children)

Damn that’s a crazy and tough situation. Hope you get it figured out and feel better.

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[–] icerunner_origin@startrek.website 15 points 9 months ago (6 children)

Who's out there putting hands on the rim of toilet bowls? 'fess up.

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 22 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Depends how drunk and how violently I'm vomiting, really. At some point I just need all the support I can get... You're not gonna die from touching some old pee.

[–] gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 9 months ago

Normally? No

When I had E. Coli last year? Yes. And when I got too weak to do that I slumped over the bowl almost kissing the porcelain, absolutely disgusting but it was that or...

When I got to weak for that I flipped onto the floor and spiritually connected with mankind from years past cuz holy shit do I understand how diarrhea killed people now

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 10 points 9 months ago

I'm already leaving the situation needing to clean myself. There are other things taking priority over hand placement

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[–] KammicRelief@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] strawberry@kbin.run 7 points 9 months ago

read this while shitting

[–] MrNesser@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

They're not wrong.

[–] Vampiric_Luma@lemmy.ca 10 points 9 months ago

You can tell they're normal because they don't know what gooning is.

I'm sorry for anyone that has eyes right now.

[–] ApatheticCactus@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Maybe this is what Apple is trying to solve with spatial computing.

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[–] hperrin@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago

I like to have a podcast on while I’m vomiting. I might as well use that time to learn more about WWII.

[–] dh34d@lemmynsfw.com 6 points 9 months ago

This post was brought to you by Han-Tyumi, the confused cyborg

[–] THE_MORTAL 6 points 9 months ago

Phone = Bad = Logic = Funny

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 months ago

The OP thought of this meme while puking

[–] catonwheels@ttrpg.network 5 points 9 months ago

As I currently writing this on my phone while puking.

In your face god!

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 4 points 9 months ago

If I may quote something in response...

Ahem

YOUR GOD IS DEAD AND NO ONE CARES

IF THERE IS A HELL I'LL SEE YOU THERE

.... That is all.

[–] moon@lemmy.cafe 4 points 9 months ago

Idk I usually am thinking that I just wanna die

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

I've done it when I was sick and was it was taking a while for the rest to come up... So technically I was looking at my phone in-between the individual pukes

[–] Sorgan71@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] explodicle@local106.com 5 points 9 months ago

When I put away the phone for a meal I feel like a fancy Frenchman

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