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Hope it was a great week everyone. Hopefully this one is even better. 
is finding everything really funny a side effect of HRT? everything is really fucking funny now. i've been dying laughing at a 3d rendering of groverhaus 
for the past 5 minutes
you got that THC-HRT
Simultaneously feeling like I'm not trans but also whether or not I'm trans is the only thing I can think about. :scream-a: :aaaa:
depressionposting, dysphoria, some health stuff, transphobic family. it's bad, i'm sorry
god i'm so fucking miserable lol. I don't have an answer to the reason why I'm so fatigued I can barely get out of bed, I'm dysphoric all the time, I'm getting fucking top dysphoria now which I didn't used to have or at least it was never this prominent before. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life. My mental health is in such a drain that I'm actively avoiding people because of it, which I know is a shitty thing to do and I feel awful about it. if nothing else, I want to stop being depressed so that I can finally respond to peoples' messages like a normal person.
I literally have not felt a single moment of true happiness for at least 3 years at this point. I don't even remember what happiness feels like. it sounds cliche but it's true, I actually cannot remember even the sensation of it. If I'm not spiraling from OCD I'm feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety over random things or numb from depression. Usually it's all three at once. I am starting to think I have BPD. I fit a lot of the symptoms.
And I don't have an easy health answer to my fatigue. From all measurable accounts I seem normal but I'm so tired and dizzy that even climbing up and down stairs is a chore. My family thinks I'm faking it and that all I need to do is to get more exercise or something but I've tried exercise. I've tried exercise and it's a miserable experience that doesn't make me feel better afterwards. I had a period 2 years ago when I was briefly in college where I walked and biked constantly. I felt winded after walking for 10 minutes on the first day of the semester and on my last. My stamina is just gone.
I don't know what to do about all this. Medically transition, I guess, but I'm still living with my family and I'm worried they won't be supportive. It was already a fight to get my mom to be okay with me being a queer person who ostensibly wasn't trying to change stuff about my body. She wasn't happy when I brought up the prospect of going on birth control. What would her reaction be to me taking testosterone and getting my tits chopped off??
detransition
i've been really heavily considering detransition lately but i'm still so incredibly torn over what i should do
i've been on hrt for over 2 years now and have almost nothing to show for it. my levels are fine, i remember to talk it every morning and night, but it just does so, so little for me. i've recently found out that this just happens to some people, for some unlucky people it just doesn't do much. people kept telling me that i'd see the most amount of changes in year one, then when that came and went people were like "oh no no year 2 is when things will really start happening" and now year 2 has came and went and still nothing
i feel like a fake when i tell people my name, like i'm lying to them. i'm out to basically everyone in my life but i still don't look like a woman. i try my fucking hardest, i do everything in my power but the more overtly feminine a thing is the most masculine i feel when i try and fail at it
i want to be a woman, but i know most people i interact with on a daily basis will not see me that way, and i don't see myself as a woman either
i cried last night thinking about reintroducing myself to people as my deadname, but it also was weirdly comforting in a way? like coming clean with a lie, like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. like running from the police and getting caught, the relief of not having to hide any more, the worst thing has come to pass and so you don't have to worry anymore, there's nothing left to lose
i don't really want to detransition, but i don't want to keep being embarrassed and ashamed when telling people my preferred name either
i don't really see myself being happy either way. i will be unhappy trying and failing at being a woman, i will be unhappy living life as a man again. but living as a man will be easier, it will be so much less stressful, it will lift this weight off of me
i think i'd stay on hrt even if i socially detransition, which is stupid because i just said it doesn't do anything, but the idea of being on testosterone again fills me with panic. i guess that means there is still a part of me that has hope? that maybe year 3 really will just magically be my year
i don't know what i'm going to end up doing
but living as a man will be easier, it will be so much less stressful, it will lift this weight off of me
I think you should really consider a whole new weight that's about to be put onto you when you're actively living as a man and everything that will entail. It's your choice of course, but I think the latter paragraph here should tell you something
hey this facial hair stuff kind of fucking sucks. how long do i have to be on hrt before laser/electrolysis keeps it off? or is that not relevant?
HRT is not relevant in this case. You can start laser/electrolysis whenever. I started it months before I could get an HRT prescription. As always, if you have darker hair on fairer skin, I recommend laser first if possible, and then electrolysis to get any stray hairs. Reasons being:
Godspeed, girl!
>lower cypro dose
>become emotionally unhinged & unregulated
is this normal or expected
More posting about Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl
I don't think I like Paul, I think Paul is a fucking weirdo.
"Mannish hands" is such a dumb fucking concept, how can they be mannish if a woman can have them?? And wow Paul, it's cute that you desire femininity and are are a weird quantum-state nonbinary ethereal egg, but don't go projecting that shit onto my 90s dykes like a weird misogynist. What if women wanna be shaped weird or rugged and handsome or punkish or just kinda funny, huh?????? What then, shapeshifting coward???????? I sympathise with him in ways but he strikes me as judgy, typical I guess? Pls reassure me that nobody ever thinks this way.
lfg
This will knock a book off The List at the very least, and give me brearhing room from Tactics Ogre.
E: Uh oh it's a fuckin horny one isnt it 
Is it just me or is this site getting more reddit in the bad way recently? It is getting to the point where the only reason I am staying here is the amazing trans community we have.
Not just you and the same is happening with me.
This stuff is so wild, people.
How can I go from legitimately one of the happiest days of my life yesterday to today where it's just like... I don't know, okay? Pretty good?
Yesterday, I felt like a woman for sure, but today I'm like... Wow, I'm going to have to tell my friend who I came out to that actually it was a mistake.
I literally happy cried yesterday. I've never happy cried in my life.
I'm trying to stay chill, but I'm just not feeling like a girl today. It feels like disinterest. I don't really want to wear the clothes or do the voice, but when I kind of force myself, I'm generally happy about it later. But then it feels like I'm forcing things.
I'm trying my best to be happy with whatever my identity comes out to be, but I seriously hope it's not man again.
Anyone know what's going on?
Edit: I put on a dress and feel a little better >.>
Still wanna hear from you tho~
Brief mention of some other things that might trigger people, but naming them is all I do in the post itself so ๐คท seems counter productive to name them here.
dysphoria posting, again
I'm crying. I hate who's in the mirror. Something has to change. I wish I knew if I'd like myself as a girl.
I've hated my body for as long as I can realistically remember and it's just getting worse. The ed, the sh, maybe it's all tied back to this.
I wish I'd wake up as a woman, if only to try it and know. god when I say it all like that, you'd think I was a trans woman, wouldn't you? Must be cherry picking.
