gonna sound super sappy but its my bf, hes been around for a long time with me now and has helped me so much. hes helped me the whole way. every time i look at him my heart flutters a bit. as the wrinkles grow around his eyes, he reminds me how far i've come, how far we've come.

i also have some photos (a timeline basically) that i really like to look at when im feeling super down. its wild how much ive changed for the better over the years.

I keep my vial of Estradiol that I used when I was in the hospital recovering from bottom surgery. I'm going to have it made into a pendant.

I wish i had photos of my silhouette from before hrt, artsy backlit stuff that is just the silhouette of my neked bod

also a lot of my old jackets/ belts/ cool guy shit goes down real well as a butch femme, dont get rid of everything wholesale!

I still have my first bralette! It isn't even close to fitting anymore after I grew boobs lol, still look at it fondly.

When I first started my transition my partner surprised me with a shopping bag full of clothes, makeup, and a card where they wrote about how much they love and support me. Clothes and makeup are gone now but I still have the card, which I kept with all my other important keepsakes.

I kept the first bottle of Spiro I ever got and used it to hold my nighttime meds for when I was working or out and about, I eventually replaced it with the first bottle of estrogen that had my new name on it. I wrapped them both in packing tape so that the label could be preserved. I still have the first girl clothes I ever bought for myself (Madoka magica tshirt from 2014, way before I even knew I was a girl). I have a day zero picture of myself that looks like the picture of Dorian Grey to me now, I like to show it to girls who feel frustrated with their results after a short time on HRT and go "so this was me not even four years ago, I hope this is encouraging."

I'm happy with the number of momentos I kept, it's nice to remember but there's a lot I'd rather forget.

still have my old dysphoria hoodie from the closet days when i was young and the days just after coming out. an ex stole it and i was able to retrieve it. its a nice hoodie and still fits well, i just cant bear to see myself in it again.

Cracked my egg about a month ago. Clinic appointment is next week.

The first dress I bought myself I don't think I'll ever part with, though I don't believe I've worn it much, if at all, since I discovered skirts.

I am still pre transition,

Meant to post something about this in the mega later but here it is now. I'm happy about this btw (so don't worry, not a sad story, because of the ending!) :::

Also yes I am taking notes on everyone's answers for myself.

i have two unopened packages of testoblockers from my diy days. think i might keep them

I have a psychiatrist report circa 2008 from a "Dr Wolf" the guy was a general psychiatrist for the NHS and I was sent to him in error by my GP rather than begin referred to a GIC.

It's an incredible document of pure insanity and colonial transphobia, Dr Wolf was the strangest man I've ever spoken to, absolutely obsessed with my transgender body and it's transformation, the whole document describes akin to an SCP. stooped in transphobia transmedicalism he openly cites the HBS and Kinsey scale he spends pages of the document voyeuristically describing my appearance in empirical detail weighing and measuring me with chest and waist measurements I have photos of what I looked like then I assure you I was passable cute geeky girl but this man was wild in his details. The most crazy part is he says all of it completely without malice and I think he liked me despite begin a crazy transphobe.

Referring to me as "Real name" although I'd already changed my name via deed poll. Mentioning my chest demonstrates significant "Gynaecomastia" "Despite my BMI height and build begin 'optimal' and within feminine norms" and that while he is aware that I'm a "Caucasian male age 21" he also says "Their outward appearance is convincingly that of an unobtrusive young woman" "their voice is somehow of feminine pitch and resonance. Definitely not that of a male. How they have attained this effect is unclear." "Their mood euthymic, friendly and polite. They are calm and direct in answering my inquiries." "The only abnormal belief I can ascertain is that they believe themselves to be a woman." Just insane shit like that as it gose on.

The final part cracks me up. "I believe This pleasant 21 year old student fulfils all diagnostic criteria of Transsexualism ICD10 F64.0 Sex Orientation Scale Group-3 Class-5 Transsexual (True type) Sexual orientation Kinsey scale (4)" I can only picture like an agency operative saying this to his guards as they try to contain me. I guess I'm not pretty enough to be "class-6" :P