this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2024
687 points (97.9% liked)

The Onion

4699 readers
637 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 22 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Late2TheParty@lemmy.world 72 points 4 months ago (2 children)

When my sister first got her TI-82, she had to solve the equation ((3 x 30) + 5) x (850-7). It turned her lesbian. We should all boycott scientific calculators, too!

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 33 points 4 months ago

niiiiiice 8008135

[–] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 4 months ago

This isn't sarcasm. This is literally the line of thinking from Republicans

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 42 points 4 months ago (3 children)

TRANSistors!?! Electronics are of the devil, burn them all! /s

[–] Brickhead92@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago

Now they're putting their transmission in our cars!?!

[–] Rediphile@lemmy.ca 6 points 4 months ago

This also further explains their hatred of public TRANSit

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

Religious fanatics have been saying “technological progress = evil” since the beginning of time.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Better rip the transmission out your truck before the gay gets to it.

[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The torque CONVERTER is coming for your kids!

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 5 points 4 months ago

Drag races are corrupting our youth!

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

they refuse to leave home and become part of the transit system

[–] ch00f@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

Though they have cut down on trans fats which is good.

[–] Quacksalber@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Keyboard app makers shohld do an 'oopsie' and agressively auto-correct spelling errors to 'trans'.

[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago

I have to look up the trans schedule for tomorrow.

[–] militaryintelligence@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

The woke keyboard industry indoctrinating our kids

[–] carl_dungeon@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

This is the onion, but it’s not even unbelievable. The Venn diagram of hard maga, flat earthers, and inbred Neo nazis is basically a circle…

[–] RedWeasel@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

I am surprised some haven't started because a trans-woman contributed significantly to the basics of modern computer chip design.

[–] lettruthout@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

"At press time, sources confirmed conservatives across the nation were trying to escape the woke conspiracy of left-wing letters by renouncing the English language entirely."

From the way he forms(?) sentences, it seems like Trump has a significant head start on this.

[–] masterofn001@lemmy.ca 7 points 4 months ago

Conservatives ban words after notici

[–] HuntressHimbo@lemm.ee 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Conservatives about to remove the S key because all the other letters are in their favorite slurs

[–] kameecoding@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

S key is needed to make them plural though

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 3 points 4 months ago

That would be amazing, I'll certainly do my part and spread this truth wherever I can