this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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[–] PorkrollPosadist@hexbear.net 4 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

The news has reached Maddy :)

[–] Fontasia@feddit.nl 5 points 3 hours ago

Geez I'm CIS and in my 30s and only now do I learn that I can double jump? How do I do it?

[–] Seasonal_Peace@hexbear.net 6 points 3 hours ago

Why is nobody here showing sick pakour with double jumps

[–] ghost_of_faso2@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 4 hours ago

ok so who wrote this

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I know people are saying this must be a troll, but seeing as how “in a Petersonian sense, to elevate alternative sexual archetypes in the marketplace (‘fastest Mario’) was unironically posted by a chud, I’d buy that this is earnest.

[–] Sulvor@hexbear.net 5 points 2 hours ago

Think about the phrase "fully automated luxury Communism" in the context of "speedrunning" and I strongly suspect that things will start to 'click' in your mind.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 51 points 7 hours ago (3 children)

"do not naturally possess" implies that trans folks possess the ability to double jump, but through unnatural means.

[–] Owl@hexbear.net 4 points 3 hours ago

The unnatural means are cursed Canadian mountains btw.

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 30 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

is it possible to learn this power?

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 31 points 7 hours ago

Not from a cishet. billionaire-tears unlimited-power

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 20 points 7 hours ago

One of the side effects of HRT

[–] nicklewound@hexbear.net 13 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Goddamn, I being a cis dude is so fucking boring.

I want a double jump so goddamn bad.

[–] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 7 points 4 hours ago

Is it trans to main scout in TF2?

[–] AernaLingus@hexbear.net 83 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Celeste - a platformer which gives gender-confused people unrealistic power fantasies (such as the ability to double jump, which they do not naturally possess).

You cannot convince me that this wasn't written by an infiltrator

[–] Outdoor_Catgirl@hexbear.net 49 points 8 hours ago

Yeah no way this wasn't a troll

[–] Palacegalleryratio@hexbear.net 13 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Is this a bit? It’s too funny to be conservative drivel and too media literate on top. amogus

[–] axont@hexbear.net 7 points 5 hours ago

Conservapedia regularly has stuff I can only assume are jokes. Like there's a review of American Psycho on there that says something like "despite the patriotic title, this movie is very liberal"

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 38 points 8 hours ago

cant double jump

skill issue bridget-pride-stay-mad

[–] Gay_Tomato@hexbear.net 33 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (2 children)

Satan worship is when you are a vampire machine invading hell to literally feast on the blood of demons.

macron trans-gun sentient-ai

[–] DefinitelyNotAPhone@hexbear.net 18 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

If you're one of the nerds who bother to dive into the quasi-ARG metaplot, it does drive home the point that God is the bad guy and that Lucifer literally did nothing wrong in this universe.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 11 points 7 hours ago

The only thing I know about this game is that the funny voice man voices the funny angel man

[–] bazingabrain@hexbear.net 9 points 7 hours ago

im curious what this website has to say about doom

[–] combat_doomerism@hexbear.net 24 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

important question to add to the trans survey: are you able to double jump irl?

[–] Owl@hexbear.net 4 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] combat_doomerism@hexbear.net 4 points 3 hours ago

lmao ok im convinced whoever wrote the blurb knew about this post and is trolling

[–] InternetLefty@hexbear.net 10 points 7 hours ago

Yeah need to know this ASAP

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 42 points 9 hours ago

Check it out, they've never seen a trans person double jump before i-cant

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 22 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I may not be able to double-jump, but I can hover in mid-air for a second

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 9 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

At least you can avoid fall damage, I made a mistake speccing into high jump.

[–] refolde@hexbear.net 20 points 8 hours ago

Wow, they're aware of the satirical elements of Fallout, color me surprised.

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 7 points 6 hours ago

Conservatives be like: "they lied to us! We didn't know that transitioning could be as cool as getting a leg upgrade in Mega Man X!"

[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 20 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

I guess parkour and jumping heel clicks are trans now? TIL

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 15 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

By this chud logic, does this mean Arthur from Super Ghouls and Ghosts is trans? wowee

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 15 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

The trans-fantasy of dying many, many times to various ghosts and goblins

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 15 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Well he runs around in his underwear when hit and it's got hearts on it, and we all know trans folk love hearts cat-trans

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 10 points 7 hours ago

Hell yeah we do

[–] bazingabrain@hexbear.net 10 points 7 hours ago

(such as the ability to double jump, which they do not naturally possess).

YOU FUCKERS LIED TO ME.