askchapo

Daily provider of minimum one (1) cool bug that I found outside

Spreadsheet maker

Assistant trailer park supervisor

Layabout

I'll sort everyone into their houses. Sorry, you're Slitherin 😔

Propaganda poster artist

I'm the guy forcing all of the poets to mine coal and all of the coal miners to write poetry.

I make chili and cornbread in industrial vats. We tell you that it's vegan, but the beanis are actually the ground up remains of beanis posters from badposting.

I just hope all the routers are gone so I don't have to ever touch one again. Maybe I could be a beekeeper or something where being psychotically detail oriented is harmless

I'm the cook. My specialties are delicious hearty meals and hormones.

Beanis harvesting

I'll be making liquor. There's a good chance I end up consuming a large chunk of it though

Animal handler. There's going to be so many furry friends it'll be a full time job to keep them out of trouble.

as much as i would like to be the cute trans librarian there also needs to be a strong agricultural workforce in order to make shit work so I guess Ill work the fields, ill bring my copy of Four Season Harvest though! it could be really cool!

i can reinstall windows or macos for you

i also give great massages

Toilet hrt technician

Cum Retrieval Specialist

Who need they spreadsheet mined?

But probably general maintenance. My favorite jobs were all fixing stuff: engines, guns, lasers, robots, computers, music gear, etc.

Unironically I'd love to help the cooking comrades.

However if we needed a teacher for writing or other humanities stuff I could cover that.

I could also work in the gulag as a friend for coop play.

My post-apocalyptic commune fantasy has been to be the gruff older guy who's secretly a softie, who fixes machines and gadgets, or build new ones out of scrap that the young whippersnappers haul back to the commune.

I can bake a mean loaf of bread.

I'll be the commander of one of our liberated tanks, I'll have bags under my eyes, a permanent five o'clock shadow and a cup of anarchist coffee always in my hand

The tank's name will be Zhukov or something

If possible, I'd love to work on modernizing the ancient spaghetti that holds up modern software infrastructure. Please let me be the people's rewriter in rust.

Professor

(Antiwork joke aside, I'll probably end up doing a lot of dishes and occasionally fixing things)

I'll be the head a secret society and international Order.

We'll meet secretly to chit chat over drinks, everyone is welcome but no one can discuss it outside of the meeting under penalty of spanking.

Dirt master

I want to just be nice to everyone and brighten their day, and help them with anything they might need. Need someone to help dig a hole? Hit me up. Need someone to vent about whatever to? Gimme a call.

I can make nuclear weapons so we can defend ourselves.

I like cooking and gardening. That or I could brush up on that water degree and treat shit.

rock stacker

Small business owner

literal bean counter

I can produce our podcast (we're going to have a podcast, right?) and help maintain our fleet of bicycles. Possibly trains and/or tanks too, as needed.

Linux Distribution Maintainer (I occasionally edit a NixOS config file)

that's not the workplace, it's my job title