spoiler
Thinking about hrt and stuff last night. About a week out from being able to get it. And I will, to at least have it in case. But I am too scared to start. Too scared to come out too. And too much of a miserable loser to live on my own. Should just give up. Its not worth living as a shell of a "man" and I am just too scared to do anything else.
tbh for a long time I thought depression was what was going to do me in. Nope, its fear. I think the depression still feels worse though.