i'm harvesting a great crop of jelly beans today
it's my birthday this week and you have to post a lot okay? :^)
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spoiler
Thinking about hrt and stuff last night. About a week out from being able to get it. And I will, to at least have it in case. But I am too scared to start. Too scared to come out too. And too much of a miserable loser to live on my own. Should just give up. Its not worth living as a shell of a "man" and I am just too scared to do anything else.tbh for a long time I thought depression was what was going to do me in. Nope, its fear. I think the depression still feels worse though.
I think youβre fine to start.
I feel like family can be especially dense at noticing the changes or associating it with trans stuff.
I know they won't notice right away. But eventually. And I have no idea when they'd notice, or when I'd need to come out, or when I'd be able to leave. Not like my long hair and (as it gets warmer) shaved body isn't a give away anyway... I feel sick I hate this.
Itll probably be at least a year and maybe 2 years.
I've barely been able to do anything in this last year. It's all impossible.
No, like, before anything noticeable changes! You'll notice faster, the cis have gendere blinders
I mean I guess maybe that's fine. A year or two before anything noticeable at all changes, longer for the cis... egh... I'll keep thinking on it. And I will be getting it either way. Thank you.
spoiler
Nothing to do to make this not scary. I can't do it. I haven't been able to so far. It's too much for me to handle. I can't do it.spoiler
tfw literally all happiness/hope/any good vibe has just been forcefully sucked out of you and also you didn't die in your sleep and now you're more miserable then before and literally none of the things you could do to distract are interesting or worth engaging in and also there's basically no hope of anything good happening either in your personal life or in the world and everything still sucks and I still wish I was dead and its probably just going to be a really long and awful nightspoiler
we can attest that transitioning (and especially starting hrt) is what gave us the strength to keep going and take care of ourselves even a little bitwe wouldnt be here right now without hrt, it helps a lot
you can do this *hugs*
Thank you :meow-hug: I appreciate it. Hope it does and I can get over my fear.