The Onion

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LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal musician, and noted septuagenarian, Ozzy Osbourne broke new ground when he became the first old white man to complain about a rap song and actually be on the right side of history.

“This is the first time we’ve ever seen a person of Ozzy’s age, wealth status, and complexion complain about a rap song or artist and actually be correct. Especially when they say it in an all-caps Tweet,” said music scholar Aiden Lawrence

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As humanity continues to live underground, nature begins to heal itself. The surface becomes more habitable and the humans decide it’s time to rebuild. Luckily there’s a large collective of Fallout 4 fans who know just what to do. Using the knowledge they gained from building their settlements and following their own true God Preston Garvey, they’re able to get to work rebuilding the world for human repopulation. They’ll build towns, they’re build farms, they’ll build New Vegas. It was Joever but with their help, it is so back. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the rebuilding process. It won’t be.