The Onion

If only...

If only...

There’s a up-and-coming political star that is making waves on the local level, 5-year-old Jerry Manders from Chicago, Illinois, has been identified as a lying prodigy with a skill set so advanced that he is already being hailed as a future star in American politics.

“Yes, I did my homework last night,” Jerry fibbed to his kindergarten teacher earlier this week, not knowing that this precise moment would set him on a path to future public office. Jerry, who had instead spent the prior evening watching toy unboxing videos, showcased a remarkable aptitude for deflecting blame, disarming his opponents with confusing rhetoric, and a natural talent for lying constantly—all foundational skills in the political arena.

https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/09/01/jerry-manders-5-year-old-prodigy-liar-already-hailed-as-future-political-star/

At the bottom of the list, we have this drawing from 1984 Christmas horror flick Silent Night, Deadly Night. Unless you are a very careful four year-old unacquainted with the concept of The Red Liquid That Nourishes, this is not a creepy drawing in the slightest, but perhaps even more importantly, it doesn’t look at all like a child made it. Notice the lack of course-correction on any of the lines, the expert shading and perspective on the deer’s legs, the even, perfect coloring. This doesn’t read like a frantic vision of violence from an eight year-old traumatized by a murderous mall Santa three years prior. This is something an edgy teen draws during the school Christmas party to let their peers know they are no longer under the spell of childhood.

This made me laugh but I would be sad if my mother saw it