this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse
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It's very easy to read as "I don't find you super attractive but you seem like someone I could settle for once I'm done playing the field"
Her intent seems to be more "I don't think I could have hooked up with you and moved on because of how special you are to me" but she phrased it in an ambiguous way
The first interpretation is extremely foreign to me. Do people just marry someone who they don’t like that much because they wanna settle down?
Yes all the time.
Yes thats most of the hetero marriages/long-term relationships. They simply grab the next person who "is there". There is like a lot of silent expectations in hetero social circles to have an active relationship. I notice this everytime people do not know that I am gay yet hahaha.
I would say most marriages throughout history are basically exactly that. I may be won't, but honestly I don't think I'm wrong. It has a lot more to do with availability than compatibility (which can be developed, tbf)
I think this is a sticking point for me. My wife and I have worked hard and paid a lot of attention to make sure we’re both growing and that we’re growing closer instead of apart. I understand statistically that if I could somehow review billions of people that I could find someone more immediately compatible with me, so availability was a major factor for us. But we consistently have been told people are jealous of our relationship and we were barrels of red flags when we first got together. By the time we married we were excellent communicators who adored each other.
I don’t want to shame people who haven’t had this experience because I’ve clearly missed out on a lot and I’m not so naive as to think everyone could just git gud at relationships. The whole discussion just seems foreign to me as a result.