chapotraphouse

you would have to fucking violently waterboard me for 24 hours straight to get me to ever consider freely admitting something like "this is the third time i've shit myself on accident this year" LOL

by all means, check in with a doc. eat more fiber. but maybe dial back your trusting of farts too. the risk reward ratio is a no-go in my opinion. what has one really lost by farting into a toilet? a moment of time? a sense of pride? all these memories will be lost like sharts in the rain.

Why would communism do this

Not to be that guy, but it might be time to see a doctor

That is unless you trust a bunch of us weirdos to successfully diagnose your digestive issues

Which as someone who once considered becoming a doctor, I am more than happy to

Fiber, immodium, diet change. Rice and chicken like comrade Bailey had to eat last week.

That said, right there with you. It took almost a YEAR after i quit drinking for my poops to be normal again.

Solidarity, you got this!

alright guys, it's not funny anymore. who shit my pants

Too much or not enough

now it has me worried I'm dying.

Am doctor, can confirm. 3 sharts are a sure sign of imminently shidding yourself to death. So sorry 😔

pull up ur pants and do the doodoo dance

This happened to me once (or one particularly (ie first)) upsetting time. I was in my early 20s.

I am now approximately 15-20 years older and I've only recently learned to trust my farts again. So far it's been at least 3 months of ripping and giggling again without fear of shame. I still keep it to an at home activity because I really don't know if my butt will betray me again but if it does it will almost certainly be in public at the most humiliating possible time and place.

All of this is to say, no it probably isn't JUST a getting old thing. I would suggest it's most likely dietary and that your poops aren't efficient. Still, Dr Hexbear is not a real doctor and you should get some professional advice.

I have noticed from listening to Manly Men Talking On The Internet (YouTube and podcasts) that (and I swear I've only seen American dudes talk about this like it's a normal and common occurrence) that an INSANE number of adult American men in their 30s regularly shit their pants and joke about it together later like it's normal.

Could be that they're all alcoholic binge drinkers but I'm not sure I've really noticed a strong correlation between shart stories and drinking stories.

I'm thinking it's usually dietary. But maybe there's more going on here.

You can probably narrow down what is causing it, assuming it's dietary which I will assume, by doing the most basic things. Eat the same meals everyday and see if your shit quality improves. If you're nearly shitting yourself, your shits are probably liquid or near liquid. You want those to be solid but soft.

Other people have already recommended it, but if you eat meat (I dunno what alternatives are, but there surely are some) you can eat like grilled or however you like it chicken, broccoli, and rice every day for a meal. Maybe two if you can tolerate it. Those three things are incredibly easy to "meal prep" aka "cooking" (not sure why people always have terms for stuff, but whatever). I cook myself like 5 days or so worth of all of them at a time and store them sealed in the fridge. Throw some seasoning on after nuking meals in the microwave... tastes fine.

That's the meal vets prescribe to dogs when they keep shitting themselves. So if you can stand to eat that and another meal (I usually eat eggs, rice, small amount of bacon so I can get tasty fats in my body as my other meal. Low fat diets make me go insane). And maybe a third meal depending how you want to live (I eat plain "old fashioned" oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter (yeah, the type with salt and sugar, sue me health people) and a banana sliced up in it for breakfast basically everyday) You'll soon discover if it's your diet or maybe something else.

You should also go to a doctor of course if you can afford it and it's an option. But if your diet is dogshit, packed with excessively spicy (as in hot not flavorful), sugary, or fatty foods, the doc is 100% of the time going to say "clean up your diet. Eat more fiber. Report back in [whatever time period]." Unless you have painful stomach issues or other kinds of cramps, pain, vomiting, etc. they are unlikely to dig much further than typical check up stuff and telling you to fix your diet since that's the cause of most people's stomach issues or bowel movement inconsistency.

Not directed at you, but I think a lot of people underestimate the simple logic of "thing goes in... things comes out" with food and taking shits. If someone eats a bunch of spicy hot wings, most of us expect to have a rough shit I think. By the same logic, if you eat a bunch of fatty foods like, I dunno, a lot of bacon or a whole bag of greasy chips, you should expect the resulting shit to be composed of a bunch of excess oils since that's what you put in. Your body doesn't need and can't process a whole bag of lard or vegetable oil or whatever your chips are cooked in... so it blasts it out your ass in the form of little chunks of shit floating in digested lipids. That's the exact recipe for your ass leaking. It's internally lubed with bacon grease and chip grease... think about it

(I know some of this is humorous in nature, but it can't be helped with poop discussions)

yet to shit myself unassisted by diarrhea but boy I keep getting reeeeal close recently

I'm putting it down to aging because my diet hasn't changed that much and the rest of my body seems to be falling apart

I just be fartin all day these days

This happens to us all from time to time but 3 is a lot comrade

Telling an "I shit my pants" story is weirdly endearing to me. It's showing vulnerability about something that everyone has done.

We shouldn't feel shame about a bodily function we have no control over anyway.

Anyone telling you this has never happened to them at least just a little and not catastrophically is fuckin lying.

That said it is overwhelmingly likely related to diet.

(Song about thinking you're about to fart but it isnt)

The eternal curse of all humanity. Everyone thinks they are immune to the ravages of time, but it is in fact the greatest equalizer.

If you're able to talk to a doc about it you should ask how you can improve your diet

Are you drinking a lot of coffee or something?

Never trust a fart, comrade.

That said, I trust mine implicitly and will never be let down.

My buddy did this at a bachelor party on the grooms hotel bed. It happens, good times.

But like 3 times in a year you gotta figure your butt out lol

I had this happen a couple times since my gallbladder removal.

I've had incontinence my whole life.

Best advice I can give: Wear dark pants, and carry an identical spare in a backpack where possible.

If you suspect at all that you aren't eating enough fiber I would at the very least try out some fiber supplement. Target sells some generic kind for an ok price, it's basically just psyllium husk with a bit of orange flavoring (you mix the stuff up fast and shoot it down, else it gels up). If you get too many runny poops it's usually a lack of fiber, and at least in the immediate term supplementing can help (or when you just haven't got much fiber in you in the last 48 hours).

happens to the best of us mate