this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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Yeah no, fuck that shit. Not going to be lectured about how we should handle woman haters with kid gloves because they can't handle rejection.

Like holy shit apparently getting rejected is only hard for cis men and it's really fucking important. Guess what, it sucks for women just as much. Women get rejected too, but no one cares. Hell, no one even believes it because that sexism runs deep. Wait, actually no it sucks more for women because dating isn't just putting your pride on the line, it's risking assault and verbal abuse everytime too. Oh but on top of that they get to hear from incels (and the media) about how easy it is for women to date. But again, no one gives a shit, because they're women, so who cares.

Meanwhile everywhere you look the media is discussing "Oh these poor frustrated young men. What a crisis. Oh those mean feminists! What do we do?" Because shit that's just silently accepted as normal for everyone else to go through is apparently a crisis if it happens to a cis dude.

I'm not going to accommodate a scratched misogynist any more than I would a scratched liberal.

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[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 79 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I have one good thing to say about the incel communities. When I was at my most lonely and a virgin, I would often read through the /r/incel subreddit and think "Wow at least I'm not as sad as these losers."

[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 43 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

My harrowing close experience with inceldom:

  • Heard about "incel communities," where "incel" was short for "involuntary celibate"
  • "Hey that sounds like me. It'd be nice to have a community where such people can support each other without assholes virgin shaming us. I should check them out."
  • Find an incel forum
  • Start reading posts to see if it's a good fit for me
  • Dawning horror
  • Jettison any notions of identifying as "incel" so fast they achieve escape velocity
[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Had the same thing happen with "men going their own way" shit. Got cheated on. Got depressed. Didn't want to date or have sex. Saw the title. Hey I'm a man. I kinda want to go my own way. Let's see what this is about. Working out for strength and endurance instead of vanity? Celebrating our silly man bodies? Something positive?

Read the content. Ran away as hard as I could.

[–] Midnight_Pearl@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago

the whole premise of men "going their own way" (i.e. cut off women entirely) after they have a negative experience with one is blatantly misogynistic in and of itself

[–] Redcuban1959@hexbear.net 28 points 2 weeks ago

It's like a cult, they never want to actually improve or help each other, they just want to be angry and sad, and blame it all on women and minorities. There used to be some subreddits which actually was for men to talk about their lifes and frustations and people would actually give good advice instead of incel shit.

[–] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago

where such people can support each other without assholes virgin shaming us

The funny part is that even that much isn't true. They constantly ritually shame each other for being virgins and supposedly subhuman. You're way better off talking to normal people if you don't want to be abused for your virginity.

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[–] nothx@hexbear.net 26 points 2 weeks ago

You had me in the first half lol.

[–] HuntressHimbo@lemm.ee 64 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Women get rejected too, but no one cares. Hell, no one even believes it because that sexism runs deep.

They don't even know that the word incel was literally coined to describe a woman's experience. It's aggravating

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[–] Verenata@hexbear.net 52 points 2 weeks ago

Preeeeaaachhhhhhh!!! skeleton-guns-akimbo

When I'd go on dates, 3 different people would know and we'd check in regularly. That shouldn't be normal but men made it necessary.

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 50 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

I swear there are mascs on this site who got badly rejected by a girl they were obsessed with in high school or something and absolutely refuse to let it go, like that experience is one of the core filters they view the entire world through. Idk how else to explain the sheer number of mascs here who explicitly empathize with incels to the point of telling femmes and enbys that ackshully they're the problem for wanting to feel safe

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago

It's very telling. Clearly they're so used to being catered to that being told no is a huge deal for them.

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[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 45 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh but on top of that they get to hear from incels (and the media) about how easy it is for women to date. But again, no one gives a shit, because they're women, so who cares.

I had one who came onto my tumblr the other day liking a post of mine and when I checked him out he was complaining about how women are never lonely and can have companionship at the drop of a hat. So I blocked him, not putting up with that line of thought.

[–] MouthyHooker@hexbear.net 38 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Yes we can have companionship at the drop of a hat! It’s called friendship. It’s called being a real friend to your friends

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 40 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

No shit, but incels view anything with women in a totally transactional manner with sex involved so the idea of being friends with the opposite sex without fucking is alien to them.

[–] MouthyHooker@hexbear.net 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The absolute irony of this is that they view everything with women in a transactional manner yet are unwilling to pay a sex worker for the sex they want. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Having spent some time in the mra/mgtow adjacent manosphere during my shithead phase they absolutely don't want to because it like doesn't "count" according to them if you pay for sex. It feels like it's just moving the goal posts so they can remain stuck in their misery of being lonely tbh

[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Honestly, I can see how the conclusion follows from the incredibly fucked premise.

A common assumption in society is that if you are a virgin past a certain age, it must be because you're a completely repulsive, inferior human being. Having sex thus becomes the only way to prove that you have some sort of redeeming value, that you aren't some subhuman abomination. Sex with a prostitute doesn't confer this humanizing legitimacy because a prostitute doesn't really want to have sex with you; they're just willing to put up with doing so for money, much in the same way that a sewer worker is willing to wade in feces for a paycheck.

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[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 36 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I gotta admit, it certainly doesn't feel like friendship is something that can be found at the drop of a hat either these days.

[–] MouthyHooker@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is fair, making new friends can be hard. Doing activities you enjoy can help but it’s definitely much harder as an adult. Just like romantic relationships, finding friendship requires making an effort and putting yourself out there. The average incel doesn’t seem willing or able to do those things.

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[–] RotundLadSloopUnion@hexbear.net 45 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Unlocking the thread now that more mod eyes are on it, any more he/hims who want to come in here and post paragraphs defending violents misogynists will be copping a ban. Do y'all believe there's a misogyny problem on Hexbear yet?

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 39 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks everyone on the admin team, and sorry I started going through it and realized it was way over my little baby mod head to handle on my own kitty-cri

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I feel terrible that I caused you so much stress ohnoes

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Omg no it was 100% not you. You did nothing wrong at all comrade. You should feel like this is a safe space for you to vent and you should feel supported not attacked by incel defenders! I'm sorry that you had to see some of the heinous shit folks were saying! I'm glad the community volunteers stepped in to help clean it up because you and anyone should absolutely be allowed to make posts like this

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[–] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 43 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"Oh these poor frustrated young men. What a crisis. Oh those mean feminists! What do we do?"

There's no male loneliness crisis. There is however a male entitlement crisis. power-genius

[–] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 47 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean, it seems more constructive to say there is a general loneliness crisis, affecting women, NBs, and even non-incel men.

[–] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 33 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Correct, but the fact that men are singled out as the group suffering and the association of this partially constructed phenomenon with not having women available shows that it's an entitlement crisis (symptom of patriarchy in crisis).

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[–] kristina@hexbear.net 39 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

me when i got rejected: cool, we good tho? continues being good friends

incels when rejected: and now i changed my entire personality and life to be as feral and disgusting as possible

[–] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

incels when rejected: and now i changed my entire personality and life to be as feral and disgusting as possible

Lots of incels were already like that. Some always wanted a reign of terror, but were waiting to do it in a way where they felt there'd be little to no consequence for themselves. The more fascist a place gets the more quiet incels go mask off.

[–] Redcuban1959@hexbear.net 23 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

incels when rejected: and now i changed my entire personality and life to be as feral and disgusting as possible

I guess they always were disgusting people, and they thought they were entitled to a partner because they were "nice" or because they did something nice to said person. Some people will say the upbringing and media could have influenced these people to "become" incels, but I believe most of them already were entitled angry people who just can't handle a rejection and blame feminism or other stuff for their own faults, at least most of the time.

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[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm apparently the only mod in this comm and don't have time to monitor all the shit opinions cis dudes are throwing around in this thread, so I'm locking it.

Not sure how we get more mods but @CARCOSA@hexbear.net we could use some, thank you!

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 20 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Thank you and sorry for causing this.

[–] Midnight_Pearl@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

it really isn't your fault though: this site should be a safe place to vent about misogyny without a bunch of dudebros showing up and getting defensive. it really sucks that you can't apparently.

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 30 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Want to remind the dudes here being disingenuous and claiming we are all for "shaming men for failing at dating and being lonely" that no, we fucking aren't, obviously.

Incel doesn't just mean "involuntary celebrate". It refers to a movement of anti-feminist men that specifically hate women and normalise the psychological manipulation of women. Not even mentioning the ones that want to force state mandated girlfriends, which is, you know, sexual fucking assault?

Unless you are a misogynist, we are not talking about you.

Plenty of people on this site, including cis men, are able to talk about how much dating sucks without resorting to talking about women as if they are the problem, and without minimising the fact that women go through the same troubles.

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 30 points 2 weeks ago

BASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASED

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 30 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

Work Camps for Incels. Make them build housing or some shit, some good use for their miserable existence for once

[–] CrawlMarks@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago

This probably would also go a good way towards fixing the issues as well. Once again mao has shown us the way.

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[–] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 29 points 2 weeks ago

Wait, actually no it sucks more for women because dating isn't just putting your pride on the line, it's risking assault and verbal abuse everytime too. Oh but on top of that they get to hear from incels (and the media) about how easy it is for women to date. But again, no one gives a shit, because they're women, so who cares.

Denim Day is a day where people wear jeans in solidarity with assault victims after a woman lost aremoved trial. The jury blamed theremoved as her fault because she wore tight jeans. The assaulter went free.

Denim Day takes place on the last Wednesday of April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. This day of action and awareness is an event in which people are encouraged to wear denim to combat victim blaming and educate others about sexual violence.[1] The day comes following a high profile Italianremoved trial where the survivor was blamed for herremoved because of the type of jeans she was wearing.[2] In protest and solidarity, individuals are encouraged to wear denim to combat the idea thatremoved and sexual violence are the fault or responsibility of survivors.

[–] RagingGingivitis@hexbear.net 28 points 2 weeks ago

This is the way.

[–] hamid@vegantheoryclub.org 26 points 2 weeks ago

Ew who would defend an incel, it is the most pathetic and pitiable bullshit ever

[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 26 points 2 weeks ago

I mean there is a fairly big difference between a regular old misogynist and an incel, and that is that the former thrives within patriarchy and knows how to make the patriarchy work for him, whereas the latter doesn't.

[–] Gorb@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Incels? More like bincels amirite

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[–] xj9@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago

My whole life growing up before I transed my gender, boys would ask me for advice on talking to girls and I could never understand their inability to treat women like people. I would always give this style of advice and it almost never sunk in. Go figure. All it takes is basic empathy, but apparently that's a very high bar for men-in-general to clear.

[–] nothx@hexbear.net 21 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Frogmanfromlake@hexbear.net 20 points 2 weeks ago

They’re absolutely obnoxious and the shit they spew is mind-boggling. They think women love being abused because they date “bad boys” and not the nice seething nerd who spends their free time writing sexist comments online. It’s actually astonishing how these people, some of which have mothers and sisters, have no idea how to treat women and are shocked when men they consider “gay” or “beta” are in healthy relationships.

[–] ChestRockwell@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks for reminding me of this silly essay I read in the NYT last week.

On the one hand, the author is correct re: the status games and ideology in relationships as a toxic thing.

But of course the article is in the service of further austerity (i.e. "ditch the male breadwinner" as cover for further producing precarity in the workforce by being gender neutral about it - it's not just "women's work" and service jobs anymore!). I want a communism/welfare state that also provides for everyone (even the incels). Indeed, our future will be better for women since they won't rely on men. If these idiots can't learn to date/socialize outside of a literal hostage-taking fairy tale myth (i.e. be dependent on me woman princess because I shield you from patriarchy), they must report for reeducation.

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