this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
407 points (97.7% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 15 points 3 hours ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 15 points 3 hours ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 2 points 3 hours ago

It's under the bed.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 23 points 7 hours ago (7 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 20 points 4 hours ago

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 27 points 6 hours ago (4 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 points 31 minutes ago

Attracted to the same gender

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 hours ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

[–] Majorllama@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

[–] padge@lemmy.zip 10 points 5 hours ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 points 47 minutes ago

It's not out of the realm of possibility

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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 55 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Shart Fariy 🧚💩

[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 124 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 15 points 4 hours ago

Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 41 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com 14 points 7 hours ago

Occam's buttplug

[–] EndofLife@feddit.org 173 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 49 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 34 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

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[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 149 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 104 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works 68 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] 404@lemmy.zip 15 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 hours ago

for OOP, yes

[–] 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 93 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 9 hours ago

Maybe just a homeless guy

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 57 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 1 points 28 minutes ago

Way worse than your dog eating your homework

[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 12 points 8 hours ago
[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 52 points 11 hours ago (5 children)

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!

[–] rbos@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

And from the future apparently

[–] rbos@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 hours ago

True, I didn't notice the year. :)

[–] LeninOnAPrayer@lemm.ee 9 points 8 hours ago

Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 30 points 11 hours ago

So fresh it's still green

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[–] daepicgamerbro69@lemmy.world 27 points 11 hours ago

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

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