this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse
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Pretty good, I've made a few adjustments though, tell me what you think:
[COOKIE MONSTER]: Heh, sometimes that just way cookie crumbles amigo...
COOKIE MONSTER cocks gun, smokes entire cigarette by mashing it in his flapping jaws
[COOKIE MONSTER]: and sometimes cookie crumbles you...
...
You would not be able to see the cigarette through his lip fur. This will be one unbroken facial closeup like a spaghetti western.
This is terrible, I can see that you're going for "reversal of roles" as a theme with the cookie crumbling you, but you're making it very difficult for us, the audience, to understand that symbology and follow along. Instead of that, I would suggest that you write it so that the cigarette turns into a person, rolls up MAN 2 and smokes him, followed by the gun turning into another person, cocking the cigarette which has smoked MAN 2 and then transforming again into MAN 2. That would make the scene much more readable.
MAN 2's gimmick is that he smokes an entire cigarette before every kill, leaving the audience at a point of dramatic climax as they wait ten minutes for him to finish each joke before he shoots the criminal in the head.
If that's the case, may I suggest that they also roll their own cigarettes and likes to have an amicable conversation with the victim to throw them off guard a little bit while doing it - they're rolling that cigarette up until they go to lick the paper and then suddenly they're giving a Kubrick stare to signify they have reached the peak of their derangement!
That's the Happybadger Stare actually. In this movie I zoom in on his face staring into the camera to signify that he reached the peak of his derangement, that being each 10 minute~ cigarette sequence.
I love it
but maybe someone should send Mr. Kubrick an email and tell him to stop stealing trade secrets from the DPRS film industry !!
Important question, what kind of cookie?
Metaphorical. Life cookie. Death cookie. Somewhere in betwixt.
There's not even a real cookie‽ 
He might eat a cookie as he smokes the cigarette as a visual metaphor for shooting the man in the head.
It should cut to a secondary character, also grappling with change, biting down on a cookie at the same time as the decision point of their storyline
That'd be a good idea. The audience would see the cookie and know MAN 2 meant that kind of cookie and not slang for something dirty.
With droplets of milk and crumbs falling to the ground, mirroring the body and blood falling to the ground. This provides a parallel between the two characters doing something that they can't take back
I can just imagine the awkward silence for 3-4 minutes as we watch MAN 2 smoke an entire cig before continuing his sentence.
What sort of audience are you targeting? Smoking a cigarette could get you an R rating in the US
There are so many people out there who like me watched the classic antihero films of the 1960s-80s and dreamed of a scene where the villain would keep smoking their cigarette. Not one puff, not holding it. The full thing.
That makes sense. It's a large audience and they'll watch it regardless of rating