No Stupid Questions
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Your first time doing taxes, go to the public library and grab the paper copy of the instructions, even if you're submitting it electronically. Read them and highlight anything that's confusing or important.
Laundry: Use less detergent than you think, and colder water than you think. Don't machine-dry any wool and most synthetic fabrics.
ADHD? Look into a bullet journal for keeping track of important info. This is not a product, it's a method, and you can do it with a 50¢ composition book. The main benefit for someone with ADHD is that it's stupid easy to start and doesn't break if you forget to do it for a day or a week or a month.
Buying insurance? Hiring a contractor? Know your budget and get at least three quotes before deciding.
You don't get promoted by being good at your current job. You get promoted by asking for it, or by jumping to a different company.
Start investing now. Pick a stock or fund that's boring but steady and buy $50 worth (or more, if you can afford it), rain or shine. Don't stress about optimizing it; even boring investments should have a return well above inflation.
Never lend anyone money. It will destroy your relationship 90% of the time. If someone needs help and you want to help them, just give them the money. Either they'll pay it back some other way or they'll pay it forward, but no matter what it won't be hanging between you.
If times are hard, don't be afraid or ashamed to take advantage of programs or food banks. That's what they're there for. You're not taking it away from someone who needs it more, most food banks have a big overflow from week to week. If you feel bad about using these programs when you're down, well, make sure to donate or volunteer when you're up.
Learning how to do small talk will improve your social, economic, and relationship opportunities in countless ways.
Asking people questions about themselves makes them think of you as likable.
Remember the acronym f o r d: Family Occupation Recreation Dreams
Small talk can be learned and getting in some more practice might make it bearable, perhaps even enjoyable.
When you are running out of topics keep the acronym above in mind and ask a question related to one of those topics. Something like this example:
Q: So, have you always lived in (wherever you are)?
However they reply, follow up with it positive and encouraging response such as: "ah you're a long timer. I thought there weren't too many of us left!" and then go right into a follow up Q also related to the acronym but now attached to the new information you have such as: is your family from this area too? What brought you here initially? What do you do for work? Hey since you've been here so long, what do you think about (insert local drama that's been in the news).
The goal isn't to interrogate, but to smoothly and rapidly sort through topics until you find commonalities. Then you can lift off and the conversation will feel very natural and easy.
I heard about this 20 some years ago and have used it at the start and end of business meetings, on first dates, with strangers, and heck sometimes even with my friends if we're catching up and I want to cover things that are core to them.
This is the best advice I’ve seen on small talk, and how to get a flow going. Thank you
Also, psych nurse protip - this is how you use this to talk someone out of a panic attack. Use the above conversation template plus the following nonverbals / paraverbals:
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start by reducing stimuli (think five senses!). Reduce the noise and lights, and try to get away from any particularly offensive smells or sensations.
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you can try to get the crowds and stimuli out of the area, but it will probably be easier to move the person panicking. Getting crowds of people to do things is very tricky. It's usually just easier to move the one person.
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talk at about half to a quarter of your usual speed and volume
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use common English words (no SAT vocab). Enunciate clearly, and don't use more than one conjunction / more than two ideas per sentence. Their brain can't chew / digest as much as all at once.
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Do not stand directly in front of them and especially do not corner them. If you feel unsafe you can still stay closer to the door than they are but try to stand slightly to the side to give them line of sight to it.
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if you want to practice / really up your game, learn to deepen your pitch slightly / resonate / speak from your chest while still keeping your volume down. Imagine James Earl Jones reading a meditation script on YouTube. This has an added benefit if you work with seniors, most age-related hearing loss is in the upper pitch ranges.
I don't have a link, sorry, but I know there's a YouTube channel called "Dad, how do I...?" And it's a lot of basic adult things. Such as change a tire, check your oil, resumes, tie a tie, things like that.
I don't know if it's long form, but I agree with you that videos are preferred for learning and disagree with the person saying Rule 1 for adulting is reading.
When cleaning surfaces:
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Wipe down once with a damp sponge/cloth. This removes loose dirt and softens the hardened stuff.
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Spray with a surfactant.
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Wait five minutes to give it time to work.
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Wipe again to remove remaining dirt.
If there's something you can't get off, use a harsher cleaner like Barkeeper's Friend. Wear gloves when using that. I can't unlock my phone with my thumbprint anymore.
Also:
The easiest way to remove hairs from bathroom surfaces is with a slightly damp paper towel or microfibre cloth.
Since you mentioned having ADHD in another comment which I also have, some things that have helped me and may also help those without ADHD as well:
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Remove friction from everyday tasks whenever possible. If you make it easier to get stuff done around the house, you'll have more bandwidth for other things.
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Setting alarms for things that you have to do is awesome. really helps with staying organized and just being on top of things. same goes for calendar reminders. keeping a calendar took me a while to get into the habit of but its super helpful.
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Anything you can have on autopay that you intend to keep like cell service, internet, utilities* etc. you should. It just makes sense rather than going through it each month for so many different things. *Utilities might not be good to have on autopay just in case you have weird discrepancies. one month I had to pay $1000 for electric. I called before I paid that lol.
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Use a credit card for small things each month to help build credit. i have a card that all its for is my cell service. Its on autopay as well as the payments for that card.
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Keep things in a cart for a while before buying them, it can help you to determine if you actually want that thing or really need it.
Also just cause others were talking about it, I find using videos as well a tutorials and documentation to all be helpful when troubleshooting/figuring things out, everyone learns differently and ADHD makes things like that harder. Having multiple ways to ingest that info can be helpful IMO. Not that anyone here is necessarily wrong in what they said, just coming from someone that also has ADHD, I get the struggles.
My parents always said: "No path in vain." By that, they meant that I should - for example - always take some plates with me and put them straight into the dishwasher when I'm on my way to the kitchen anyway. That's probably why my place looks pretty tidy today.
If I didn't still do that, the household chores would eventually overwhelm me.
My personal advice: Take notes.
Just write everything down. I recommend an actual physical little paper notebook and a pencil. If you think: "Oh I must remember that" or "I'm almost out of ..., I must buy more", write it down.
Now don't go writing down stuff like fun facts or YouTube videos you want to watch. Make it all practical stuff, stuff you need to do or is important in your life. It's your brothers birthday next week, write down the date and what you need to do to prepare. Your stomach hurt and you think you ate something that didn't agree with you, keep a log of what you ate and how your stomach felt. That way you can identify allergies or things you can't eat (anymore). Having trouble remembering names? Write down after you met someone: "Today I met Steve, Steve is in charge of accounting at Megacorp." Measured the room you want to put new flooring in? Make a little sketch and put the measurements in.
Writing stuff down physically forces your mind to pay attention and remember it later in a structured way. It also feels really good to physically tick off a task or cross it off. It can be a bit hard to keep up with and not go the other way and put so much into it, it doesn't help anymore. But it can help a lot, especially if you are the kind of person that thinks 8 times a day to put out the garbage, only to wake up the next morning and you've forgotten to actually do the thing.
I agree on this one. As OP has executive function problems, just the act of writing something will at least create some connections in your brain, even if you never read the notes again.
Having said that: if you adopt any of these ideas and they don’t work for you, feel free to un-adopt them after ~a month of legitimate effort. No sense in wasting your time if it’s not working.
To add to this: an actual calendar on which you can write important stuff is very helpful. Not a digital one, use one made out of paper, and keep a pen nearby. It's easier to have a quick glance for you important stuff that way, and it makes it easier to coordinate stuff if there are others in the household.
I set a perpetual calendar reminder for cleaning the dishwasher filter every month, the HVAC filter every 3 months, the water filter every 5 months. My husband's calendar reminders are to refill his meds every 24 days. Those days add up to one extra refill a year.
Find an executive functioning class and take it. It's, I think, becoming more and more a thing. My wife is starting to run them for local middle and high schoolers.
And YouTube is your friend. You can find help for just about anything. Taxes, find someone local or just pay a person to do them. States all have different rules.
Does she have any recommendations for trainings to become a trainer of these skills?
I think one of the most important things any adult needs to know involves interest and debt, which are two parts of the same puzzle. Not knowing about interest can very quickly lead you into a lifetime of debt, and seriously alter the course of your life. It's so so so easy to fall into these traps and yet so difficult to climb out of them. And it's not because people are stupid but because these types of things are purposely vague and shady and designed to prey on people that are either desperate or maybe don't know much about interest/debt for one reason or another.
TL;DR interest is a fee that you pay to borrow money. Be aware of that and thoroughly read any documents you sign before borrowing any sort of money. Debt by itself is not a bad thing if you know what you're doing, so just make sure you know what you're doing. You should pay off your entire credit card bill each month. And avoid variable-rate loans and pay-day loan places like the plague.
ADHD warning: long block of text in case you want to learn more
If you go to buy a house but don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars on hand, you'll take out a mortgage which is just a loan. That loan includes the price of the house (principal) as well as an interest rate (currently something like 6-7 percent in the US). If you buy a car but you don't have the money to pay for it all up front, then you might take a loan to get it, which again consists of the purchase price of the car (plus any taxes or state fees or whatever) and then the interest rate that you get. If go to college but can't afford the ludicrous tuition, you might take out a student loan to pay for it, which includes interest.
Credit cards are a special type of loan that can be ridiculously easy to fall victim to. But the people who tell you to never get a credit card and pay for everything with cash or debit cards are misguided. Credit cards can be a great thing.... if you pay them off in full and never pay a cent of interest. They have such ridiculously high interest rates, or APRs, often in the range of like 20-30 percent. Which is nuts. But if you pay off the bill each month, then you pay exactly 0 percent interest. Say you buy something for $100 on a credit card. That's basically you taking out a $100 loan from your bank and promising to pay it off when the bill comes. So a month later when the bill comes, you can pay it off completely and you'll have spent exactly $100. Even better than that actually since many credit cards have cash back or points or miles or whatever, so you actually only paid $98 bucks, or maybe you got some miles out of it for your next vacation. Wonderful.
However, if you instead don't pay off that $100 when the bill comes due, or if you only pay the minimum payment and not the whole balance, that's when those ridiculously predatory interest rates of 20+% come in to play. And then suddenly your $100 turns into $130. But then if you don't pay it off again the next month, it just compounds from there. And then eventually it gets to the point where you literally can't afford it any more. You could be paying off $100 every single month and it would not put a dent on the amount that you owe because the interest is accumulating faster than you are paying it off. Happens way too commonly and can seriously fuck you up either for life or at least for the next few years of your life as you declare bankruptcy or tank your credit or end up paying thousands more for your easy-to-make mistake. Those horror stories you see about people paying thousands in student loans for years and years only to log into their account and see that they still owe basically the same amount that they started with... yup that's because of interest.
But if you pay off your bill each month, then credit cards can be great! Super safe and easy to combat fraud, great for not carrying cash around, tons of perks, super convenient since you can pay with your phone or smartwatch, and other benefits that are too nuanced to list.
Debt by itself is not a bad thing. If you were to never take out any loans ever, you probably would never be able to afford a home, or you might never go to school for the career that you choose, or you might never start up that small business that you've worked so hard towards. It's just super duper important to be aware of the terms that you agree to when borrowing said money. Tons of loan sharks out there (like pay-day loan places) actively want you to falter on your loan because then you suddenly owe them way more than what you thought you would owe.
Oh and for the love of god make sure to find out if the interest rate of any money you are borrowing is fixed or variable. Fixed meaning it stays the same for the length of the loan, and variable meaning it can (and will) change, which almost certainly means it's going to go up. Stick to fixed loans for the sake of your sanity.
That's just the tip of the iceberg, but seriously, just knowing that credit cards can fuck you if you don't pay them off each month is enough to save tons of people from a lifetime of debt and poor credit. Debt and interest are not bad things by themselves, you just need to be aware of them to function in today's society, because not knowing about them really sucks.
I've heard good things about the "Dad, How Do I?" Youtube ~~series.~~ channel.
Do you really not see an issue with the approach being taken here? You're looking for resources that you assume will help you, but in the spirit of the matrix movies, "You can't see past the decisions you haven't made yet."
The brain hasn't evolved to retain information it doesn't deem useful. I guess what I'm really getting at is, how can you be confident that anything supplied here will be retained if you were previously unaware you even needed to know in the first place? Don't underestimate the value of deep learning via experience rather than preparation imho. I promise I'm not shade-throwing, I was much like you when I was younger and have a couple similar reddeet posts, and it was mostly wasteful preparing to prepare nonsense if that makes sense.
Reduce social anxiety by being able to do stupid human tricks when hanging out with people.
Get these books. "Discover What You Are Best At." Linda Gail. It's a series of self tests to determine what skills you already have and then a list of all sorts of jobs that use those skills. If you can wake up on a rainy Monday and not hate yourself, you've solved most of your adult problems.
"The Joy Of Cooking." Will teach you how to boil water, and then go on from there.