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Dr Doom, easy
He's an important bulwark against US imperialism and his only real character flaw is not being able to get over the girl he liked in college
Most of my job would be trying to get him to move on and get over Sue Storm. He's the leader of a whole country, dude may not get women the way Fidel did but there's gotta be someone for him
Was going to post Doc Doom too.
Second up is Magneto because mutants rule humans drool.
I've posted about this a bit ago, but of x men mutants were an irl thing I'd be donating to fund more sentinels. Any rando could just have the power to destroy worlds, fuck that
I don't know much about the guy and don't really know his politics, I kinda assumed he was opposed to us imperialism in the same way nazi Germany was. I like that you've chosen the job of getting him laid tho. If I wasn't speaking strictly comics, I'd join up with The Mighty Monarch so fast. I'm a sucker for anyone taking great means for petty comeuppances. To quote the man himself "i wanted to kick his ass! I wanted to builda machine to kickhis ass! I wanted to build an empire to house the machine that would kick his ass! like 21, I can get behind that and would love to help someone with such a project.
Do you have a powder blue Nissan Stanza?
I have my friends powder blue Nissan stanza
Deal
The Penguin cracks me up because he's basically a funky dude who loves birds and crime and that is the most Hexbear themed villain if I ever heard of one.
Catwoman 
Okay. Also doesn't count
Wait, so we can't pick any women villains?
She doesnt have henchmen. Are you a cat?
I might be
Poison Ivy does environmental aid and is therefore just generally good and catwoman generally just robs rich people. I'm trying to avoid the easy picks of non evil villains and a lot of woman villains fo fall into that category, gotta admit. Women tend to get the sympathetic/misled villains thing cause comics.
Wilson Fisk doesn't seem like a bad gig. He's semi legit so you probably get health insurance and stuff. Spider man is the easiest guy to fall down for. Like "oh no! my gun has been yanked from my hands and I got tossed into a sticky trampoline stuck in the corner of the room. All I can do is wait for the cops to show up and not be able to make any charges stick."
Not a bad call there
Poison Ivy, because I have muh free speech
Spoiles ballot
Lex Luthor, mostly because superman would probably take it easy on me compared to some other superheroes.
Does the Monarch from Venture Bros. count? Definitely him or his wife Dr. Mrs. The Monarch
Sounds like a good way to get torn in half by Brock Sampson
He can bust me open any day
I didn't count him for myself. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch serves on the guild council and is therefore unable to arch
No gooning allowed. 
Normal Crimes? who'd want to do normal crimes in comicbook land? catch me doing weird pseudo-mythology magic crimes and getting tied by wonder woman henching for Cheetah
who'd want to do normal crimes in comicbook land?
me. I want to wear a flat cap over my "haven't shaved in 3 days" stubble with a baseball bat and just go around smashing shit and menacing people before getting my ass kicked by some dork in spandex with superpowers
Same, I just wanna be a guy that unloads crates in a sketchy dock and sees the bat signal and says "watch out boys, THE BAT'S out tonight!' As if he isn't out every night. If he wasn't they could just do crime whenever the bat signal was off.
shitty faux brooklyn accent "Ayyy, what's da plan, boss???"
What ineffectual weapon would you smack your palm with when you're about to hit something or someone? I wanna be the guy yhst starts out with a gun, has it bataranged out of his hand and then uses a garbage can lid.
I'm scared of getting killed by lasers
Atrocitus. I think I'd definitely end up as a near mindless rage filled monster but he'd let (encourage?) me vomit acidic fire vomit all over Earth billionaires so it might be worth it.
Probably Bane cause you know he gives his henchmen the good performance enhancers
Or Killer Croc if I always want to be on the side with an enormous physical and psychological combat advantage. Like imagine going into the breach and you hear monstrous running footsteps, roars and terrified screams, and you know what's causing them is on your side. You'd feel ten feet tall too
Bane is good, keeps the Americans out of Santa Prisca
Can I do movie villains? Hans Gruber from Die Hard was a communist terrorist from the GDR stealing money to fund the further efforts of his organisation.
For a cause I could support? Flag-Smasher
For funsies? Mr. Freeze
Always wanted a freeze ray
Was there any Aeon Flux comics? 'Cause Trevor in that show was sort of marxist-leninist at times and Aeon was basically an anarchist ultra.
Edit: Dark Horse has some Aeon Flux comics. Excellent.
That show rocks so hard
Anarky 
Me
I'm really looking forward to the penguin show
The freakin Jonkler