this post was submitted on 11 May 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] match@pawb.social 70 points 5 months ago

We found the villain to the no-poop-for-three-days story

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 63 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (7 children)

Stuff marshmallows up your butt. The glycerine in them will make you evacuate your bowels within 10 minutes as they dissolve.

[–] spare_muppets@lemmy.ca 53 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I can't stop laughing from thinking about someone stuffing marshmallows up their ass.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You've tried it too? I got to 31, then farted..

My girlfriend wasn't impressed.

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

sounds like cloudseeding

[–] MrNesser@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

I kinda want to try this to see if it's true but also ewww

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Is this speaking from experience?

[–] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 6 points 5 months ago

nobody:
klysma kinkers: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

This, plus your username backwards, makes me think this is the voice of experience.

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[–] scytale@lemm.ee 50 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Eat a bag of sugar-free gummy bears or a half gallon of sugar-free ice cream. Another option as one other comment mentioned are those unregulated asian slimming teas that have questionable ingredients. The safest and most practical solution is a laxative used for colonoscopy prep.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

Sugar free gummy bears will make you shit your pants in 2 hours. And in 3 hours. And in 4 hours. Etc.

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 37 points 5 months ago (2 children)

RemindMe! 6 hours “reply to this thread”

[–] NightAuthor@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You asked for a reminder to: reply to this thread

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)
[–] NightAuthor@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Orally. It can take 6 hours for a bowel movement.

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[–] Glifted@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago (1 children)

There's this stuff they give you before a colonoscopy. I don't know what it's called but it will get the job done

[–] VaultBoyNewVegas@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Movieprep or kleenprep. I've had both and one definitely worked for me and the other only kicked in the morning off my endoscopy.

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago (2 children)

There's these which are prescription only, but you can also down a bottle of magnesium citrate as an OTC alternative.

[–] lefty7283@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Good ol magnesium shit-rate

[–] Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

And as a bonus, the taste of magnesium citrate doesn't make you gag like the prescription stuff.

Milk of magnesia. You can get it at basically any drug store and it will make you fucking BLAST.

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (5 children)

Sprite and magnesium citrate. A dose takes about 30 minutes to work, so if you dilute it in a 20 ounce bottle it should hit at about the 2 hour mark depending on how your body reacts.

[–] real_ted_yogurt@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago

This is the stuff to use, but I don't think diluting will work like this. I recommend taking it, with a bit of sprite 30 minutes before showtime.

Stay hydrated!

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[–] Usernamealreadyinuse@lemmy.world 22 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Ok so i think it is cool everybody answers the question...

But why PenisWenisGenius? Why do you need this information?

[–] PenisWenisGenius@lemmynsfw.com 18 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Just asking for a friend 😇

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[–] Plum@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Salt water flush. You will shit continuously for two hours as your body tries to rid you of a dangerous amount of salt.

[–] snooggums@midwest.social 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

During this window, farts are lies!

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[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Hairbo sugar free gummy bears

[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They said 2-6 hrs. Not 2-6 min

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[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 17 points 5 months ago

Just take laxatives 30 minutes prior to needing to shit your pants?

[–] DocMcStuffin@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago
[–] kindenough@kbin.social 13 points 5 months ago (2 children)

You should ask Ted Nugent, he is an expert

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

Just relax homie, you got this. 💩

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 5 months ago

Cleansing tea from the local Asian Mart.

Buckle up brother. Hope you don’t got plans later today.

[–] Atin@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Mainline dysentery infected blood

[–] Omgboom@lemmy.zip 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Is there a taco bell near you?

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

are you trying to get someone to break off with you?

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Improperly cooked eggs or chicken can help

[–] cordlesslamp 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Depends on where you live, that could literally kill you. Salmonella are no joke.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

100% Salmonella ain't no joke!

Very potentially deadly! I've had it once, got lucky and only went half crazy and bleeding a bit from the inside and out...

[–] cordlesslamp 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Got food poisoning from an undercooked egg last week. Literally became a human fountain on BOTH ENDS, at the SAME TIME!! Never felt so...... empty inside, literally.

Thanks God it's not salmonella even though it dragged me halfway to hell. If salmonella is worse than that, I wouldn't wish it for my worst enemies.

[–] Toes@ani.social 6 points 5 months ago

Lookup "colon cleansing".

[–] simplejack@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

This is easy. Google “miralax colonoscopy prep solution”

Enjoy!

[–] prowess2956@kbin.social 5 points 5 months ago

Who are you try to make shit themself while in / over international waters?

[–] Aremel@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Magnesium citrate. Take it a few minutes before you actually need to.

[–] nudnyekscentryk@szmer.info 4 points 5 months ago

Prunes or, more hardcore, sorbitol candy.

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