this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Fuck TSA you fucking assholes (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 months ago by VILenin@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
44 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Smurf-ass motherfuckers. You’re not even real cops but you still wear that dumbass badge. Guess this is where all the academy dropouts ended up at. I see you taking your own backpacks straight past the checkpoints you fucking hypocrites. You couldn’t catch a bomb if it landed right on top of you you fucking fucks AAAAAAAAA!!!!! monke-rage

My butter knife could be used to take control of the plane? Holy fuck are you fucking listening to yourself? That’s literally my fucking job! Fuck you! And they give fucking butter knives to the business class passengers on the fucking plane, holy fucking shit!!! guts-rage

Don’t tell me I’ve been fucking randomed, I can see the green cleared icon reflected in your glasses you lying sack of shit, fuck you! lenin-rage

all 45 comments
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[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 34 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

I don’t really understand the liquid limitations considering you can quite literally fill up an empty bottle or get drinks or whatever as soon as you get through the checkpoint. Also, fuck the TSA for requiring you to only use “TSA approved locks” for guns, aka locks that TSA can bypass because the keys are generic and available online for purchase.

Interestingly enough, we don’t see too many incidents with sky marshals, ~~or any at all. Are these even real positions or did Liam Neeson just make it up?~~ I guess it would be bad PR if your agents slammed some minority just for being loud instead of shooting terrorists.

One marshal who was a recovering alcoholic, saw himself featured in a TSA alcohol awareness promo video and subsequently died by suicide.

Lol. Based TSA

The investigation discovered that 28 had been hired with pre-existing misdemeanors and that several current air marshals had been convicted of or were awaiting trial for offenses including disorderly conduct, DUIs, and sexual crimes against children.

john-agony

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It’s just security theater for the passengers.

I have a Known Crew Member card so I should theoretically be able to stroll right through security with no inspection or x-ray or anything and no questions asked. Even the air marshals have to put their bags through the scanner to blend in. Of course 7/10 times I get “randomed” (i.e., sent to the back of the TSA Pre line. I can also cut in front of the regular TSA line if I want the TSA ass-grabbing special). This is supposed to be done by a computer but they’ll random you even if you’re cleared because they hate not having power over somebody. Out of uniform the “randoms” go up to about a 10/10 rate. For what are obviously entirely optics reasons.

Sometimes the regular checkpoint is a 10 minute walk from the KCM access point. Of course, if I head to the regular line right away, they tell me I have to use the crewmember lane first to be sent back.

I’m also exempt from the liquid restrictions, as is any member of the crew. If I take a week long course I can also bring a loaded gun onto the plane and be forever exempt from randoms. But that would also technically make me a cop so I’m not doing it.

Less likely to get a cavity search in uniform than out, because they want to look like they’re being thorough with the passengers and know they have zero recourse.

So yeah, I don’t know how common knowledge this is, but there’s a subset of people who are exempt from security and I can tell you that a lot of them are chuds and are not well.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

out of curiosity, whats the best way to avoid scanners / dick fondling? its kinda a nightmare for trans people to just be digitally exposed or grabbed there

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I’ll start with American security first.

In terms of American security, really the only way to be completely exempt from fondling (and any screening at all) is to be a uniformed crew member that has passed a gun training course - you will never be subjected to any screening ever, guaranteed. If you haven’t taken this course you will be subject to the “random” screenings, but you get to use the TSA Pre line which avoids the body scanner thing and you just have to go through the metal detector. You might be patted down but chances are relatively low while in uniform.

As a passenger you can pay about $70 a year to join TSA Pre and go through the same line with just the metal detector and baggage x-ray. However, being a passenger, your chances of a pat-down go up, especially if you’re a minority. But relatively speaking, it is still less likely than if you went through the regular line.

Internationally:

In my experience, uniformed crew members are still far less likely to get a pat-down than regular passengers. However if you ask not to use the body scanner and they allow your request, they will basically always do a pat-down (both crews and passengers). EU claims that the scanner imagines are anonymized and reviewed by someone who can’t see you - I’m not sure I believe this though.

In all cases though, I would suggest playing on the stereotypes the security people learn at their bullshit training. If they identify you as a “deviant” (from what I’m told, a word actually used in TSA training, at least in the past) or think you look too poor, or think you answered their questions with the wrong tone, you’ll get the pat-down. To get the best chance at bypassing this you basically have to have a mainstream hairstyle, dress like a bougie businessperson, and answer questions in a semi-detached disinterested tone. And act like you own the airport - i.e., come off as stereotypically self-assured - because they’re also looking for “nervous body language” (a complete pseudoscience). But again, in my experience, in Europe this would only save you from the scanner + pat-down combo, and not both. At least, I haven’t heard of anyone being able to bypass the whole thing.

God only knows what’s going through the minds of the bigots that staff airport security. It’s absurd that you have to basically do improv to get through almost unscathed.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

is avoiding just the 3d scanner feasible? i can think of a few ways to grab the spot pretty hard and it not feel abnormal at least thonk how hard do they pat in the groin area? do they like cup it lmao

honestly thanks so much for the info on this though, ive been putting off visiting family in europe cause of this, it makes me so nervous. havent been on a plane in a long while now and i appreciate the extreme detailed walkthrough

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

AFAIK in the EU they are required to let you opt out of the body scanner for a “hand search” instead. Unfortunately it’s not really possible to predict what it will be like or how hard they will be because, in accordance with security theater, it’s basically performance art so it depends on the mood of the person doing it and what they had for lunch. And since basically anybody can become an airport security “””officer”””, well, you get the idea.

But I can say that they will probably be more rough if they feel like you’re too uppity or aren’t “respecting” them enough - i.e., react to their screaming and insults with anything other than “thank you”.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

oh i'll be coming from america, more worried about there honestly.

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

yea American security is definitely more cop brained. In the US, if you get TSA Pre you should hopefully be able to bypass both the body scanner and the pat-down. However even in the regular lines TSA is still required to let you opt out of the 3D scanner for a pat-down instead. You will have to be forceful with them though because they will absolutely try to pressure you into just using the scanner. Again I can’t say how hard they will be with the pat down because the methods are arbitrary.

[–] Babs@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is a big part of why I don't fly anymore if I can avoid it. Every time I've flown since transitioning, I've been patted down, either because of my bra (where they usually have me lift my arms and pat my sides) or my genitals (where they pat my inner leg). Which one seems to be entirely based on how they gender me.

I also often got the awkward "would you like a man or a woman to pat you down?" Which is super cool cause like, you're asking me if I want a dude grabbing my thigh, or I wanna ask a female agent to do it and hope she's not gonna be weird about touching trans people. It's cool - not like there's a whole transphobic narrative around trans women imposing themselves on uncomfortable cis women~

Fuck planes. Train gang.

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

Too bad I can't take a train to Czechia kitty-birthday-sad

[–] dumpster_dove@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I guess the idea is that you shouldn't be allowed to bring enough liquid to mix into some kind of explosive large enough to do harm (but also a lot of airports earn good money from people buying their $5 water bottles)

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Could explosive liquids be mixed to a concentrate? Or something to get past security before making it lethal with water from the bathroom? I’m guessing not since no one has done it.

[–] dumpster_dove@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The whole thing is silly anyway because determined attackers could just bring like 5 people with many small containers that they add together after the security check.

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago

That’s true. Or just stab the lithium ion batteries on laptops and phones and cause a fire or explosion lol

[–] mar_k@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

apparently individuals are allowed to bring up to 9 smaller bottles of liquid limited to 3.4oz/100mm each. 9 x 3.4oz is literally a quart. same as having two normal sized bottles. lmfao the US is so stupid

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

yes people have mixed explosives and drugs into like, tires before to get over borders. i would imagine you can do something like that for the soles of your shoes or something

or just get a job at tsa, get chummy with them, and skip the line when you are ready for something nefarious. sounds trivial.

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

i would imagine you can do something like that for the soles of your shoes or something

Ah. The shoebomber. Classic days.

[–] plinky@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

Determined guy could still do it tbh, just carry pure nitroglycerin (despite old news, primo stuff is safe-ish as pure liquid). 100 g is enough to depressurize cabin, not that it would make much difference.

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm sorry sir it's just that you bear a resemblance to someone that the Tzar is saying needs to be arrested for political agitation

[–] booty@hexbear.net 32 points 3 months ago

TSA random number generator: us-foreign-policy

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago

lenin-disguise I’m not sure what you’re talking about. My name is Ivanov!

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I got pulled over by the TSA when I was like 15 in a random search. About 2 days later I opened my wallet and I had 3 MDMA pills in it. Oops.

[–] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The officer put them in there to say what a nice person you are.

[–] large_goblin@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

No interest in experiencing this so will probably never visit the US. My friends who were born there have very weird stories about the TSA questioning why they live abroad whenever they visit. It's as if they pick people who believe the US is the only country worth living in to work at an airport of all places.

You won't just get a butter knife in business class either, you'll get ones suitable for steak and thick braised meat dishes, which is even more hilarious.

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

TSA questioning why they live abroad whenever they visit

From what I understand I think they’re trained to ask these types of questions in their rent-a-cop class and look for inconsistencies in your body language or whatever.

Of course it’s all bullshit but its main purpose is to make the smurfs feel very important, as evidenced by the smug asshole tone they always have.

Edit: Also I got interrogated on the butter knife while I was flying as a crew member in uniform. I don’t need shit to take control of the plane, and I have access to a fire axe.

[–] large_goblin@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago

From what I understand I think they’re trained to ask these types of questions in their rent-a-cop class and look for inconsistencies in your body language or whatever.

yea The neurotypicals are at it again

[–] dumpster_dove@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

One big reason for why I will never visit the US

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

commercial-district Look at what you’re missing out on though!

[–] plinky@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

could be used to take control of the plane

That’s literally my fucking job!

rat-salute-2

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

i got selected for a patdown heading to texas to visit family and introduce my nesting partner and likely future wife, because it felt appropriate and my parents don't drink teh water that gives everyone in texas brainworms i guess.

anyway I think it's because I went visibly trans, because that lady felt up my junk and if I wasn't a huge fucking weirdo i might've had a problem with that. It felt fucked up even if I was pretty unphased by it happening to me, just like, really oppressive shit you've got when a rando can clock a trans girl and decide they want some touchy feely

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago

Yeah the TSA people can basically act with impunity and flagrantly ignore the computer-selected “random” secondary screening. They’re wannabe cops who want you to know that they have power over you and that you have next to no recourse. And if you express displeasure they will lie and say you threatened them. It’s the dream job of every high school bully.

[–] ObamaSama@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Was it to the point where they actually felt up your genitals? That seems insane, I’ve gotten countless pat downs but the most invasive it ever got was grazing my nuts while going up the inner thigh. Getting a legit genital inspection sounds like a horribly dysphoric experience, I’m sorry you had to go through that

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

i got a nice sack tap and a "good job" pat on my shaft so it was genital verification hour.

it was dysphoric, but understand I was stressed and mostly happy to get through it, and i mean it sucked, it's an extreme violation of my person and a severe abuse of authority, but I also can't and couldn't do shit. I wanted to catch up to my partner and get to our terminal because i had way more on my mind - i've done more invasive bullshit for fun, and i dont remotely appreciate having my dysphoria amplified by systemic abuse, or any kind of consent to that activity be a non-question, but i'm the kind of person to just shove it down and get on with life. For better and worse. i've processed it more emotionally by posting by it than i have in the three years since it happened.

Everyone saying they're wannabe cops aren't lying. Every time I get in that line I just assume I am someone's bad day away from being fucked with because of my identity - it's something i've only had to deal with for five years, and i'm in my thirties - but it made me realize just how fucked up certain things have been for certain identities for much longer - and how morally sick the US is societally that this is just accepted.

[–] bravesilvernest@lemmy.ml 16 points 3 months ago

As I was flying back from a trip, my bag was pulled. I figured it was due to the giant, foil bags of coffee I bought. The guy checking my bag saw them and was about to say good to go when his superior came over, looked at the image and said "look here."

Apparently, my LEAF razor set off the scanner, and she went on a tangent that shaving razors are why the TSA was formed in the first place.

...really wanted to bring up that it was box cutters, and 9/11, but it was 6am and I really didn't want to be yanked lol

Also, the fact I was returning and had brought the shaving razor with me is probably something they should think about, but whatever.

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Personally I love that it seems to be completely random whether you need to take off your shoes and take out your laptop to go through security now. I also love that there's never any posted signage about which it is and that the TSA goons will yell at you and treat you like an idiot if you guess wrong

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

It’s all completely pointless - in a way they admit this by letting certain crewmembers bypass screening so they can get where they need to go. And they love making it confusing so they can yell and scream at you. Literally anybody can become a TSA “officer” in like a month so it attracts the bullies from high school who couldn’t cut it at the cop academy.

It’s all about it the power fantasy of the smurfs.

[–] krolden@lemmy.ml 5 points 3 months ago

Security theatre

[–] ObamaSama@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Airport scanners have a problem with my genitals so nearly every single time I go through I get a red square there and “require” a pat down. It’s usually a quick obligatory show that seems completely ineffective as they don’t touch anywhere near the actual area in question. I make a subtle joke about my massive cock and balls, they laugh at the machine complimenting me, and I move on in under a minute.

However, sometimes there’s a false positive when they test their gloves after and then all my luggage gets searched through, accompanied by a barrage of questions. That’s when the vibe totally switches and they become very antagonistic. Once you’re seen as suspicious they go full cop brain and try their hardest to put the pressure on to make you crack. Even when they don’t find anything at all you’re still guilty in their eyes so they try to turn the most banal and innocent things into an excuse to “prove” you’re up to no good. I’m sure they have fantasies of being the one to stop some super dangerous terrorist (and then reflexively justify the whole security theater) so they will try to warp the facts to make you that dangerous terrorist if you catch their ire. You’re put in a position of having to prove your innocence rather than them having to prove your guilt, the absence of anything incriminating isn’t sufficient for them.

I’m lucky that I pass the initial vibe check just by virtue of being a “normal” looking white guy so I’m only subject to that extra scrutiny after failing two of their screening processes, many others are seen as sus by default. I’ve seen how ugly they can get once they decide you “deserve” it and can’t imagine how rough it must be to deal with that every time

[–] knightly@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

I'm lucky too. The scanner operators always mistake me for a guy, so the red square of suspicion goes on my tits instead of my crotch.

One completely pointless touch with the back of a gloved hand and I'm waved on through.

[–] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

The one time I visited the States, the DHS guy took my wiffle ball bat. They don't sell that shit here. I wanna say that a bag of luggage is a better weapon that a plastic hollow bat. I still can't play wiffle ball here.

[–] mayo_cider@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

I've been selected for random inspection 9/10 times I've flown (although usually they just swipe my laptop for bomb residue like I was a fucking amateur)

[–] Nationalgoatism@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

Once I brought a hunting knife with a 4.5 inch blade onto a plane by mistake (it was in my backpack) and TSA didn't notice. Once they thought my triangular cut sandwich which I bought in the airport was suspicious and further questioned me

[–] Blep@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

Hair picks are deadly weapons dont you know?

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 months ago

Got randomly screened once. Seemed normal until the next three people were also randomly selected. Two of those were attractive young women who now had to stand in a line with their arms out and get groped by a female TSA agent in the name of security. "Ah", I thought. "I was the smoke screen so it didn't look suspicious."

Can't prove it but that is definitely how it looked to me.