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Hot take, I think the "disengage" rule is good but I don't like the way we do it.
Saying "disengage" sounds like your commanding someone to disengage, which comes off as a final "fuck you!" It's basically a mod enforced way to have the last word. If we instead said "I'm disengaging" or "i want to cease this convo", idk something that had more to a tinge of humility to it I think it could come off better.
if we instead said "I'm disengaging" or "i want to cease this convo", idk something that had more to a tinge of humility to it I think it could come off better.
Ya I agree, this sounds way better.
I say "k" or stop replying.
Saying "disengage" is a bit milquetoast I agree.
There's also the issue where someone will write a multi paragraph response then add disengage at the end to ger the last word in
There was a post a while ago where mods were saying not to do that but it isn't enforced
Its absolutely enforced when we see it happen. Report any instance of the disengage rule being used improperly like that. We don't see everything and rely heavily on user reports to point out CoC violations
Was gonna say I'm pretty sure that's against the rules and you don't have to respect that "disengage" if it's made like that.
There's also the issue where someone will write a multi paragraph response then add disengage at the end to ger the last word in
That hasn't been an issue for over a year. Doing that will - or at least was - grounds for a banning. I know because I'm the one that asked for the rule to be clarified so it didn't work like that.
There was some drama with some user who kept doing it, which was the motivation for the rule change/clarification.
I've got someone banned for not respecting proper disengage etiquette, so it's definitely enforced when reported.
You know I tried something like that recently, but the people who need a disengage aren't the ones to take a hint. It's a command because the people who's hobby that day is to argue with you aren't going to respect polite boundaries.
Okay but I've seen as many examples of people using it as a "have the last word spell" than as a way to tell someone who's legit been pestering you to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure spamming someone with replies after they've asked you to stop is against the rules anyway so you could just report them.
Saying you want to disengage isn't just for you, it's also a signal to the other person that you have no interest in talking to them and they shouldn't waste their time either, not just yours. If they respond to a "disengage" with some smug comeback, they're just wasting their time.
If it sucks hit da bricks
At least on this site, there's so many times its the same miserable poster being overly hostile for no reason, there's no point in engaging
I block people all the time for being kinda annoying or unfunny or hostile to others and don't think twice about it
It feels like Hexbear is warmer than other places on social media. But I have this habit of scrolling past long comment chains, so maybe I'm just missing it.
Does blocking prevent the other person from seeing and replying to you? Or does it just stop you from seeing them? Thanks.
Also do note, if you block a user, you will also be unable to view any replies to comments they make (but the 'xx more replies > ' link will still show and their comments will show up towards the post comment count. It's a glitch I believe but it's a weird artifact that kind of reminds you of the person you blocked, and can hide legitimate comments you would like to read. (I'm relaying this from what I've heard, I haven't blocked anyone)
Good to know
Stops you from seeing them
Thanks. I guess I'd like them to not be able to reply to me, but not seeing them is pretty good too.
the same miserable poster being overly hostile
Some of them reminds me of my time working in a kitchen. You have one or two of those psychoes who get spit on the bosses or customers and they lash out at the juniors of the crew.
Absolute control freaks with a napoleonic complexe
It’s just an online forum. You don’t know them and you owe them nothing.
If you feel malice from them, disengage/block immediately.
Disengage is for if people are following you between threads and comments, not a "Get the last word in" spell.
and yes, If someone makes one reply that's a stupid misinterpretation of what I said, blocked forever.
Set whatever boundaries you need to set to have a healthy relationship with the site. Replying “disengage” is just a signal to moderators. As much as it’s been established as a social norm so that it doesn’t come off as 
every time it’s used, it was established as a way for moderators to enforce disengagement. If someone isn’t harassing you, you can just not reply. That’s always fine and okay. Unless you’re forming personal relationships with people here somehow, the person ideally won’t even notice because they’ll have a handful of other threads they’ve commented on anyway.
reminding everyone that the disengage rule was made before blocking worked. Be generous with your comm and user blocks, life is short.
Nah, i wouldn't even comment that i disengage, i'd just ignore it.
People aren't always gonna be online and able to reply to stuff, much less have longer discussions and i think most people understand that. sometimes i feel bad for not replying to people who replied to me because i went offline for a couple of days and didn't see it, but that's just part of communicating on a site like this.
No, sometimes I just get the vibe off a chat or remember the user's interactions with another and I leave before it begins.
Fabian strategy. Never engage from the start and let them tire themselves out.
flame wars are just totally useless
Is it improper to do "Disengage" too early in a discussion?
I'm just another Internet random but, FWIW, I don't think it's improper.
I read something recently that I think is relevant. It was just someone else's hearsay, not a quote from a philosopher or someone famous or something, but worth paraphrasing here.
It went something like, "nice people are nice because they don't have patience for bullshit."
The context was an explanation that having boundless patience for, e.g., unproductive arguments, isn't being nice—that's just letting people walk all over you.
Being nice comes from the mental tranquility of knowing that you will not hesitate to walk away from unproductive pursuits.
Life is short. I can't imagine you being on your deathbed lamenting the fact that you routinely refused to go 12+ comments deep with someone who was being obstinate and arguing like its bloodsport.
You have a right to reclaim your peace.
I just get bored of long struggle sessions when there are so many other things I want to do. If someone wants to keep it going after a few replies I'll stop responding
Disengage.
(Seriously no, and particularly not after you've done a modicum of research and the person you're arguing with just finds a handful of other issues without addressing the main point)
I can't believe you call yourself a "leftist". This is the most cringe behaviour I've seen...
(ten paragraphs later)
Therefore I respectfully request that you disengage from me for being the worst poster on this site.
(points at seagull) "DISENGAGE!"
I gotta have 10% of the "disengage" comments on this site.
I think your well-being deserves that percentage if that's what you need. You owe nothing to assholes, pedants, or smuglords that would otherwise wear you out.
Disengage discourse
I honestly think that the there's no real point in having it around. If you want to end a comment chain just don't reply. If a user is spamming a comment then that already violates Hexbear TOC. The only thing "Disengage" does is allow that user to have the final word. If you try to make any point beside "disengage" then I feel you're abusing it to end a discussion without potential backlash. In this scenario, you're literally still engaging with the other user but you don't want them to engage back.
Disengaging should either require you don't respond to the final comment or it should allow the other user to respond to the points made in the disengage comment.
I think you're right, but we're talking just "disengage" not "here's a 500 word essay why you're wrong now disengage". Another user suggested a nicer way to put it, and I think it's fair.
I admit, it can be a passive aggressive way to end a convo. But a final end to a convo can be good for mental health. Like you're right but there's some good to it as well.
Now that I've typed that all out, please DISENGAGE from me! 
Disengaging should either require you don't respond to the final comment
this is explicitly the case actually, though enforcement varies ofc
No, it's just the healthy response
I don't get why people say "disengage". Why not just stop responding and ignore the thread?
Without naming names, I've got in arguments with some users who will just keep coming back and posting more replies after you stop responding. Sometimes for days, in one case, weeks.
I also think there's some value in actively signalling that the conversation was actually really sucky and you hated it. Helps steer people in nicer directions, I'd argue.
No. This conversation is over
Not gonna read the post, it's never to early to disengage.
Furthermore, a comment that only says "disengage" is not having the final word because it isn't part of the argument.
I don't think there is ever a wrong time to disengage from a situation. You don't owe anybody the time and mental energy it takes to continue the discussion at that point. Especially on the internet, where there shouldn't be an expectation that the other party is ever coming back to the discussion, just close the tab and move on.
Think of it like real life. You're at party having a discussion with somebody that turns into an argument. If the person you're talking to is an asshole - there's no point in talking so why keep talking? Just walk away.
it's your time. spend it as you will.
Honestly replying to people who disagree with you is already improper behavior, might as well do what works at that point
broke: disengage
woke: just blocking them
bespoke: blocking them after writing your 10 paragraph reply, getting fully around the 'disengage = getting the last word in spell' issue and never having to think about the other user again
You can do that IRL too. Don't like something? Just leave. As a BJJ coach, whenever I'm teaching about double tapping to submit I go "it doesn't matter if you don't feel like you had a submission, if they get bored and decide karate is better, you just let go and let them go out the door"
I like asking a questipn and then posting "disengage" when i get an answer
Its funy