this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
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[–] soiejo@hexbear.net 47 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I dunno about worst, but I fucking hate 300. It tries so hard to insert Snyder's american fetishism in the setting that it quite literraly inverts reality to show the brave, patriot, manly, free, ~~christian americans~~ Spartans facing the evil, godless, deformed, queer, arabs.

Pesonally, I usually can ignore shitty politics when watching a good movie, and sometimes even good slop, but 300 even fails to be a good action movie because it had to add a shitty slow motion effect every time Zack Snyder jerks off to how smart he is

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

300 is so fucked up. Imagine presenting the Spartans as good guys after opening with a narrator telling us they murder any babies they see as imperfect.

[–] Staines@hexbear.net 27 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If you think that's bad, just read about how they treated their Helot slaves.

Mandatory ritualistic beating and shaming, and a yearly actual purge to keep them in line.

Spartans are about the most pathetic culture to have ever existed.

[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Spartans are about the most pathetic culture to have ever existed.

They were also a bunch of idle fancy lads whose requirement for citizenship/personhood was literally "rich enough to come chill at the country club with the lads all day without ever having to work even a single day" while also being extremely greedy so that they'd buy up the land of anyone whose wealth dipped a little leading to their "eligible for military service" class consistently shrinking all the time to the point that they did major land redistribution twice in order to restore the size of their citizen class (since they were the only ones allowed to be "real" soldiers, as opposed to all the non-citizen light soldiers and enslaved canon fodder they also used).

And before you think "oh, so given their supposed martial prowess they were using that free time to stay in shape and do drills or something?" the answer is no, they were literally just hanging out drinking and eating at their rich boy clubs all day and their actual military performance was not measurably distinct from other Greek city states (including their neighbors) for most of their history, even though they liked to wank about how they were best and coolest because "remember Leonidas?" and shit, with only a pretty brief window where they seem to have actually started to try to live up to their own propaganda and managed to be a regional power before then failing again and rapidly diminishing to the point that the city of Sparta itself became lost and forgotten with the descendants of the Spartans reduced to just being some small time fishermen in a tiny village well before the Roman era.

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[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

If I recall correctly, I think the chad who led the Persians through the mountain pass was a Helot.

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I fo real turned off the movie (i only gave it a shot cuz my friend wouldn't shut up about it) right then. 'Na, this movie will make me madder from here' i thought.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That part's for calibrating your hitler-detector

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

You know what's funny? The supposedly unbiased justifications you hear from chuds on American exceptionalism or colonialism was present with Persians: they're the more advanced society, they were far better educated and also that whole 'everyone invades everyone all the time tho!'. The depiction of the Persians in this movie should've been met with accusations of wokism for portraying them in such an extremely negative light.

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+1 for 300. All around shitty movie.

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[–] Comp4@hexbear.net 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (6 children)

Sausage Party. I felt insulted after finishing the movie. I don’t care if Seth Rogen is otherwise a swell guy—if I ever meet him in real life, I want him to apologize for being involved in that movie.

I’ve watched some movies I consider monstrous, jet-black, and mean-spirited, but Sausage Party feels like it was made by a committee just to fuck with me personally.

Sausage Party is a 2016 movie with racism that feels like it's from 2000, and an approach to adult themes that I find both infantile and disturbing.

I can forgive some horniness if it's done right and fits the movie. I can't forgive racism.

Sausage Party is racist, horny trash. 0/10.

Personally, it's the worst movie I've ever watched in my life.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net 31 points 1 month ago (7 children)

Fantastic Beasts 3, Secrets of Dumbledore

If you liked Harry Potter before JKR decided to be fucking insane, and enjoy making fun of bad movies, you have to watch this monstrosity. It’s nonsense, the plot is insane, the writing is awful, the effects are bad, the filmmaking is bad, everything about it is awful.

And all of that for the core plot of “Our heroes have to get the magic deer to the Wizard election to ensure Grindelwald doesn’t prevent the Holocaust”

I want to be so clear that I am not exaggerating when I say they ensure the Holocaust isn’t prevented. In the second movie the bad guy shows visions of WW2 and the Holocaust and says “Follow me to prevent these horrors!”

[–] TechnoUnionTypeBeat@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The movie's plot basically is the liberal dream: Hitler rigs an election but then is proved to have cheated so he gets a little mad but then drops out of the election anyway so the pure hearted liberal can be chosen by the voting machine

It's such a baffling, ridiculous franchise after the first movie. I hate Rowling but I legitimately want them to continue, these were supposed to be a 5 movie series and I want to see how absurd it can get

[–] ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

And in this analogy Hitler is, again, the man who had visions of the Holocaust and nuclear bombs and is trying to prevent WW2

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[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

I want to be so clear that I am not exaggerating when I say they ensure the Holocaust isn’t prevented-

Wow. I am seriously glad you wrote this because i still had to read it twice to be sure. Wow.

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[–] Azarova@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Probably not objectively the worst movie I've seen, but Enemy at the Gates has been taken so literally by so many historically illiterate people that I've grown a burning hatred for the movie for basically slandering the entire Red Army and a few real people who were characters in the story. Kay and Skittles has a really good video on just how bad it is even beyond the "every other person gets a rifle" and "barrier troops gunning down retreating soldiers" shit.

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[–] ItsPequod@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Me and my friends watched Borderlands a few days ago to make fun of it and I think it's one of the biggest actually bad movies I've seen, ever. So many choices made were just bad, and made for not even an entertainingly bad experience, it was just bad, poorly written and established, poorly framed and shot it was wild.

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

As someone who played the games tho, their props, costumes and set design were dead on. It's a crime they made a movie that bad with all the attention to detail focused on everything besides the script and casting.

[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (17 children)

The Made in Abyss movie, which I forced myself to watch for the sake of the review I posted in c/anime (obvious CW for gross and pedo shit, but I avoid explicit details and hide the worst under a spoiler with another warning) last year. It's completely and utterly empty, vile trash that's both nonsensical and repulsive with no real plot or character development other than that the characters keep moving forwards past the hard point of no return in the very end. It is well and truly gratuitous, serving absolutely no purpose other than indulging the author's sick fetishes in a quasi-legitimate form.

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[–] Voidance@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I want to say Deadpool vs Wolverine but I only watched like 45 minutes of it. But afterwards I felt whatever is the psychological equivalent of stuffing yourself with 5 cheeseburgers in a row. I mean I felt gross and sad and kind of like I’d somehow been cheated

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Your cheeseburger analogy cracked me up cuz i feel similar. Deadpool and wolvie was enjoyable to me as I've never watched a film so overtly and joyously tell my brain to shut off. At nearly no point in the film did things make sense outside the moment in which they were happening. My brain, usually so busy cataloging plot holes and such was so quickly and thoroughly overwhelmed that i actually was able to enjoy the stupidity. Afterwards i felt 'full' but definitely not 'nourished'

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[–] jimmyjohnsandwichsix@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

About a year ago we watched Zookeeper starring Kevin James on Hextube and it made me realize that there is no god and death is just an infinite void

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[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

One that I’ve watched: Black Widow

One that I will never watch: Ready Player One

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

One that I will never watch: Ready Player One

Reddit, The Movie. cringe

Even the trailer made me feel... nauseous. And tired.

The book was sloppy masturbatory nonsense enough (and the chud relative that "gifted" it to me expected me to love it because bibeo bame) and the movie got the Spielburgian treatment on top of that where the lazy pandering late 70s early 80s bazinga of the shitty book was swapped out for late 90s-to-present bazinga shit instead.

Don't even peek at "Ready Player Two," which takes the already masturbatory premise and cranks it up to a mind control sex slave harem and escape into space "heroic" plot that'd fit right in with the current ruling class. epsteingelion

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[–] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There's interesting bad, fun bad, boring bad, and like... politically bad.

Depends on what you're in the mood for.

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[–] CyborgMarx@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Some disgusting late 2000s "rowdy comedy" that started with a scene of a girl giving the main character a blowjob in a school bathroom, except the scene started with a close up of the girl's mouth which had a big-ass pimple on it

I so fuckin furious I snapped the disc in half and delivered it back to the redbox like that, never had a film piss me off to that degree

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Ugh, I hated the Superbad-era "coming of age means grossouts, body shaming, kiddie creeping cinematography, misogyny, and le sexy sex" so much.

Yeah Animal House did that shit decades before that, but the resurgence lingered on and on.

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Id like to nominate "there's Something About Mary" which beats out "American pie" by a year as a possible resurgence point.

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[–] shreddingitlater@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Passengers really pissed me off, it takes some real skill to take such a good premise and turn it into whatever the fuck that movie was. Mario movie didn't make me hate mario as an actor, it was obvious slop. Passengers did because the premise baited me into watching slop when I was expecting existential horror.

E: I would say it made me hate Lawrence as an actress too, but she actually expressed regret for starring in it at least.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

when I was expecting existential horror

The existential horror is being awakened on a ship and essentially having a life sentence to living alone with an incel mario tech guy.

Also, they had Laurence Fishburne in it so I wanted them to end up Event Horizon-ing lol.

I rented that one from a DVD kiosk (lol) and someone wrote "broken disc" on it. The thing worked fine on my setup at home, so I returned it with a note: "DVD works, but the movie sucks"

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[–] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I watched that Troll 'Nilbog backwards' movie because it's on meme lists of worst movies but idk it was fine compared to the aggressively amd expensively mediocre shit like Alien Romulus

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

Troll 2 lol

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[–] Huldra@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago (7 children)

The last one I can recall genuinely hating most of the way through was Rebuild of Evangelion 4, the plot felt completely incoherent and most of the characters just thrown about randomly with no care given except for genuinely exploitative scenes, with an ending that feels literally only made to be applicable to Anno himself.

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[–] Blep@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

Aquaman 2. It's like trying to redo to marvel formula from first principles, but its just so much worse in every way. Its the most boring cringe movie ive ever watched.

[–] PaulSmackage@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

For a person that used to host Bad Movie Nights, this question has always stumped me. The kiss of death for any film is it to be boring. Feardotcom might be my nomination for "worst", because i can never really get through it from sheer boredom, and that sets it apart from other movies that simply faded from memory.

If you want to go the opposite of boring and enter into "would rather take a cheese grater to my skin" in reaction, that goes to Son of the Mask. Loud, obnoxious, unfunny, and just plain unnecessary. It never needed to be made, but it was, and now it's cursed to haunt the bottom of gas station 5 dollar movie bins forever more.

[–] GnastyGnuts@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I can't pick one so I'll rattle off some names:

Without a Paddle: Shitty 2000s comedy with Seth Green and two other guys where they have a lame adventure trying to find BD Cooper's stolen fortune or whatever.

Superman Returns: I remember watching it multiple times in a row when I got it on DVD because I kept forgetting I had just watched it minutes before, that's how boring it was.

American Haunting: Another 2000s movie, this could have been a passable ghost movie with a decent setting (colonial US, suitably dour for a horror setting and appreciably novel at the time), but fell for the old trap of psychological horror / metaphor monster that horror movies sometimes do.

Don't Mess with the Zohan: desolate

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[–] WIIHAPPYFEW@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Idk if watching smth by way of mst3k counts but Monster A Go-Go (1965) has literally no resolution to its plot, the titular monster has like three mins of screentime before vanishing without a trace right before it gets caught (the episode itself is a personal fave of mine though)

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[–] SteamedHamberder@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

“Red Notice” 2021 sticks in my mind as the most blatant “I’m never getting this time back” feelings I’ve ever had.

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[–] Philosophosphorous@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Good Bye, Lenin!

a movie i was forced to watch in my german language class. a teenage boy protagonist's mom (a member of the east german communist party) has a heart attack (from seeing her son being beaten by the eeeeebil east german police during an anti-government demonstration) right before the berlin wall falls, she wakes up in a coma with the doctors saying not to shock her, and the boy protagonist has to pretend like east germany never fell by wearing old clothes, replacing labels on groceries and creating fake news broadcasts for his mom. his dad had 'abandoned his family for a western woman' but it ackshually turns out he was fleeing the east because he refused to join the communist party and planned to bring his family with him.

one of the dumbest movies i've ever watched (not in a good way) and emblematic of the constant un-subtle anti-communist propaganda american students are exposed to, especially when they seek understanding of other cultures. idiot high school me wanted to learn to read Marx, all i learned was how to order food and buy clothes and hate east germany.

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[–] Anvil_Lavigne@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

kinda cheaty & petty cuz the file was corrupted & we were thankfully saved from the last third, BUT i'm gonna say dragged across concrete as it's fresh on my mind. n*zi boomer soapboxing & cop-asshole-licking feat. Meltdown Gibson. check out bone tomahawk -> brawl in cellblock 99 -> this if you want to witness the downward spiral of one man's brainworms

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[–] belligerentkitten@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i never had a worst movie before this one, but dragged across concrete.

watching it feels like being dragged across concrete and i have no idea how this ever got released. its not so much a movie as a laundry list of complaints about wokeness and minorities written by a nazi. it has no plot and very little in the way of characters beyond racial stereotypes. i didn’t seed on principle.

the file was corrupted a few minutes before the end, and it could not have come sooner. i can’t believe we managed to get so far through it.

it’s kind of interesting, you can see how the director gradually goes off the rails throughout his movies. the previous 2 are not good movies, and they’re pretty bad in terms of reactionary BS. but they were movies. the mask was still on. but dragged across concrete is simply not a movie.

[–] Anvil_Lavigne@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

i was just lamenting my laziness w/ posting on mobile. your comment is so much better knifecat

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[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (8 children)

I hatewatched Eraserhead and im still very angry about it. I don't think it would qualify as "worst" in the sense that you asked but i almost always hate lynch because his movies are designed to make the audience uncomfortable and he's a master.

To destroy my argument i present mulholland drive, one of my favorite movies.

K fuck eraserhead though, forever! I watched you once to say that i had and i hate youuuuuuu

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[–] Shaleesh@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I like to use this question as an ice breaker when meeting new people, it's simple but it has a lot to it and learning learning what someone considers to be "bad" is just as interesting as their media preferences.

So yeah the worst movie I've ever seen was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012). It was based off of a 2010 novel by Seth Grahame-Smith that retells the life of Abraham Lincoln as if his sole motivation was vengeance against vampires (one of whom killed his mom). Its a fun story and the author utilizes the premise wonderfully. While its not an allegory by any means it gives a glimpse into the worldview of white USAian liberals in the post-Obama era as the book seems to be centered on the belief that white supremacy is not systemic, but a bad habit propped up by a small group of evil racist people.

So anyways I read that book and I got my whole family to read the book because "wtf why is this actually good" and everyone liked it so we got hyped for the movie and we get there and we are the only ones in the theatre. It was a total piece of shit.

The premise was the only point of commonality with the novel. It was a lot more like Blade, if Blade was white and also the 16th president of the united states. Bad CGI, bad actors, and it was little more than a series of scenes of violence interspersed with vaguely historical scenes followed by time skips, I remember it being boring too. I hold a personal grudge against this film because it has overtaken the novel in the collective memory and that is a crime I cannot ever forgive.

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[–] Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

I don't think it's technically the worst film I've ever seen, nor even the film I enjoyed watching the least, but I would like to mention the local film The Monkey and The Mouth (NO: Adjø Montebello, lit. "Adieu, Montebello").

I don't know the extent to which I didn't enjoy that film because it was "bad" versus because I was just being forced to watch it, because The Monkey and The Mouth is in a number of ways creative and unique, and tries to tackle multiple important issues, and it shows promise for what local films can be... But I just didn't enjoy it. At the time, in fact, this was when I was a teenager, I described the film as something to the effect of "a bunch of pretentious drivel whose sole purpose was to serve as a tax write-off and a justification for the film crew to take a probably state-funded vacation in the Bahamas". Nowadays I might call a film like The Monkey and The Mouth "awardmat", i.e. it's a "film festival" movie, you know the kind, the kind where its tackling of societal issues just feels kind of shallow, like the film is more focused on the appearance of having a message than actually being meaningful. But it's been many years since I saw this film, I don't remember it too well, maybe if I rewatched it I'd have more positive things to say.

I did and still do like Karpe's music and their music videos, but I guess it just didn't work for me when stretched out to 100 minutes.

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I've watched a lot of "bad" movies I enjoyed because it's fun to crack jokes and stuff. MST3K taught me how to enjoy a good riff session. Sometimes I just finish a movie I don't care for because there's some creative world building or neat effects or camera work. Something to hold onto while finishing the ride, you know?

The one movie I fully watched that I just couldn't stand was A History of Violence. I hated that fucking movie. Watched it in theaters. Absolutely loathed it. I hated the pacing. The sub plots like the kid beating up a bully were awkward. The sex scene was awful and made me feel like i was watching an unnecessarily long sex scene with my parents when I was a teenager. The score was by Howard Shore right after Lord of the Rings and it had notes of The Shire woven through it i couldn't unhear. I think William Hurt is a bad actor who. Always. Talks. Like this. When. Being dramatic. With flat. Vocal. Inflection. Went there with buddies so I had to stay because we carpooled.

There are like 60 seconds of that movie I enjoyed:

  1. when Aragorn smashes a coffee pot into a guys face and shoots him in the mouth and it cuts to his ruined face. Shocking depiction of brutality. Nicely done, Cronenberg.

  2. when Aragorn fucks up one of William Hurt's goons and escapes and the goon is lying on the ground and for 2.5 seconds William Hurt actually uses acting to deliver the line "how do you fuck that up?" with frustrated incredulity and shoots his own goon. I laughed out loud at the sudden absurdity. I identified with that tiny slice of cinema. I saw myself shooting that fuckup failure of a film for wasting my time and money.

I generally like Cronenberg and love Eastern Promises. So I don't get it. But I fucking hate A History of Violence.

I did recently try to rewatch The Mask and got like 10 minutes in before turning it off. Bury that one in a lead lined casket along with Adam Sandler's comedy albums and other shit I thought was funny when I was 12.

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