"I was banned for trying to promote my onlyfans."

i literally just say "I don't really do social media" or "facebook creeps me out" depending on the audience

Nobody actually WANTS to be on that shit so ime when people say "good for you I wish I didn't" they mean it

"I don't have online, and I don't do the emails".

Try saying something like "Sorry, I used to do social media but it added to my stresses so I stopped."

Nobody would think you're being condescending by saying you don't use social media, that is the most normal thing you could say

I'm younger than you, but texting seems to be the #1 way everyone stays connected these days. Social media is more of a way to send memes

Obviously follow up by offering your number if you want to stay in touch with the person

I explain more if they ask me to clarify, but I start with a positive answer like what I do use instead of keeping them focused on what I don't use.

"I'm on Matrix at X or Signal at Y, that's how I stay in touch with people."
"How do you keep up with current events like the news?"
"Anonymous social media, but I don't tie my IRL identity to it in any meaningful way."

If I say oh here's my number that seems too odd these days, people not that much younger than me (I'm 31) don't seem to text anymore

They got discordified and locked up in their gamer messaging apps. It is very annoying to deal with.

I'm neurotypical and I stay away from social media like the plague. I also try to always use FOSS whenever I can. The worst I'll go is using Whatsapp because its the defacto messaging platform in some countries. If you ask people if they have a whatsapp it is very less weird (yay big tech propagandizement).

I try to advocate most for Signal for people I actually want to talk to and as long as I'm not an enemy of the US government (and don't think about supply chain attacks) it works. The people closest to me I'll try to use matrix, jami or xmpp.

Don't get an instagram. Horrible mistake anyone could make.

"I'm not really on social media"

"The only thing I'm 'on' is drugs"

I've been on the other side of this. It's never felt weird, if anything I feel like it's admirable. The other guy would just day something like "I don't do social media" and then we'd swap emails.

honestly the number thing is ridiculous and no more personal than a social, completely bizarre cultural marker tbh

print up name cards that have the info you want to share / the methods you want to be contacted by

Besides Lemmy, I'm the same. I don't think there's anything wrong with your approach, it doesn't sound condescending to me, but you also don't need to justify why you don't have social media unless you want to (if you are). It mostly sounds like you're overthinking things to me.

"I only have text" or "I don't use social media, but here's how you can get ahold of me" "I don't have Instagram, but I can give you my number" are what I would say. Keep it simple and offer an alternative form of contact.

If they ask you why you don't use social media, then you can explain if you want, but unless they probe you for more, I'd keep it simple. Why don't you use social media? "I'm a privacy advocate." "I don't like it." "It's just not my thing/not for me." "I'm happier without it."

Saying "I don't do social media" isn't bragging. It might make people interrogate their own habits, which can provoke a negative reaction, but that's on them and any response would do that, so there is nothing to be done about it. Either way it's not bragging. Say it in a light tone/with a smile so people know it's just meant as a nice thing. Consider providing an alternative, which will also soften the blow, because it makes it clear that you just dont do social media.

Do not worry about seeming "old". It's quaint and also something you can joke about, which makes for a good conversation. Consider providing your alternative (if it's a phone number) alongside a recognition that it is atypical/old-fashioned, to get ahead of the perception you're afraid of - It lets you control the narrative. It can also help with your worries about wether or not you're being perceived as "old" because you yourself bring it up.

Don't talk about privacy or opsec unless people ask into it, and keep it surface level and let people themselves ask more questions.

Edit: let me know if you want a tone indicator or have any clarifying questions

I go with the truth, “It was bad for my mental health and I spend too much time on”

People will be understanding as long as you don't do the condescending tone. A sizable chunk of people hate social media, but still use it a smidge. Just tell them it's not for you and they'll understand.

Say you do Reddit, but… not really Reddit.

“No I don’t have facebook. Do you know Reddit?”

“Oh… Reddit? Yea what subs are you in?”

“Well… it’s like Reddit…”

“…”

“…”

"i don't have social media, that shit is bad for you" is my go to line. i don't think it's condescending and if people want to interpret it that way, that's on them for knowing it's true but not wanting to accept it

Death to America

Aye... just say you're in a different media landscape of your choosing..

I just tell the truth. I don’t have social media because I don’t see the benefit of it.

Plus it wasn’t good for me mentally as I would spend too much type arguing over dumb shit with idiots.

And it does more bad for society than good. If people don’t agree then I probably don’t want to be friends with them anyway. Not that I’m dropping old friends, but new ones should be similar in interests and if they’re not that’s fine, they will find people they can relate to more and each to their own.

I don’t want the last paragraph to seem like I’m judging people for using socials, I don’t care what people do, but I do care that friends are similar to me as we will get on more and have similar interests.

Apply below to be my friend.

I'd give them my cellphone number, it's not odd, and even if it is odd to someone, it's still less odd/awkward than giving them no contact information. I'm younger than you, and that's what I do, usually followed up by a chat on WhatsApp or text messaging.

Just create one and don’t post on it. Either you just use it to message people if they only use IG, or If they actually want to be your friend, you giys eventually exchange numbers

I have one and I don’t use it 99% of the time. We just follow each other and If I care enough I’ll give them my number or vice Versa.

"I don't check my socials. Here's my phone number if you want to contact me."

I don’t think there is a best way to tell people this info. No matter what you say it’s conflicting with the social norms and some people will always do a double take at it.

Personally, I would just keep doing what you are doing. As someone who also abandoned all mainstream social media, the weird reactions are few and far between now. In fact multiple people in my life have taken the same stance. It may have taken them a few extra years, but they eventually came around.

When it comes down to it, if something isn’t servicing your needs, you shouldn’t feel obligated to continue participating. I totally understand the FOMO or having to do the uncomfortable explanation of your seemingly contrarian actions, but at the end of the day do what’s best for you. The people who are worth your time will understand and adapt. Eventually they may even follow suite.

As long as you aren't sounding blatantly and inte totally condescending tone wise, you can just say you don't do that stuff. No one else wants to be doing it either and they're giving you a genuine compliment. I've found the same with veganism, most people do.genuimely think it's admirable and are just saying so.

All you gotta say is Oh I don't use that, do you have

You can start with WhatsApp if they are normal or Signal if they are a criminal or a nerd. If you gather many people try to get them all on a Matrix server.

"I had a bad experience online."

It really has been that simple for me. No one questions it.

Depends what social media.

Instagram? Nah, I'm not pretty enough for that.

Facebook? What, do I look like a boomer?

Just keep it light and play into the reputation of the platform.

If I say oh here's my number that seems too odd these days, people not that much younger than me (I'm 31) don't seem to text anymore

They may not use it as the primary method, but most everyone has a number and will use them if it's your preferred or only method of communicating. For e.g. I only text w/ one of my brothers (younger) and I don't use Facebook on my phone, so will text friends when I'm afk

You're standard answer is the only answer you need.

If its somebody you'd actually want to keep in touch with, if you can find a compartmentalized way to make and use an account, that might be a solution.

Don't overthink it you're probably fine. If you then suggest an alternative way to keep in touch the other person will probably stop thinking about the no social media thing basically immediately.

I just say "I don't have that"

Using have makes it more likely for them to have pity on you, rather than potentially seeing it as a obnoxious thing.